Questioning Mind

There are so many things to record…but whenever I sit to write, it feels like a burden to type a long blog.
Well, let me try…
The 361 degrees design conference was great…it was a good intense design session after all. And I got an opportunity to work with rahul gore again. Also, it was a great experience to interact with great world famous architects first hand – including Maki. It was at the conference that I realized the influence of being in the media. People actually love to be in touch with media. That is when they want to maintain a contact with you. I experienced this at the conference.

But it was also nice to see, meet new people and interact. What I constantly wondered is that which side is better – the organizer’s or the speaker’s? Who is more valuable – the sponsor or the guest? Needless to say that one would want to be on the better side – the more valuable one.

At the Maki Exbt setup, I confronted the Japanese meticulousness for the first time…how extremely prepared they were. The level of organization was supreme. And that is when I realized where the organization in Rahul’s office comes from. Rahul and Sonal both encouraged me at the exhibition and it was nice to have Armeet as a constant friend and supporter. It was nice to be in opolis company again.

The event ended with a party at the Royal Palms – and we danced with some of the biggest architects in the world. It was so exciting to see all people – old and new to enthusiastically dance on the floor. Wow!

The next day wasn’t a holiday..we were called at the office late..and left early – and the most important thing that we did at that day was cutting the cake for a successful event.

Conference may be over, but for me, the real event starts now…I have to quickly decide what I want to do- should I stay back in this office or should I join back an architect or start teaching or enroll for a fellowship – I am so confused. And the worst part is people can sense this confusion on my face…some say it is better to be confused, some say be easy…

I an feeling unstable…why..why……………………….why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it bad to ask questions? Small questions…? That’s what people tell me these days…and convince me not to question. How do I stop that (well that’s again a question!)

So I don’t ask questions to others – I ask them to myself – and keep searching for answers – lost in my own thoughts…

and i thought i was the most troubled!

yesterday, i had gone to my uncle's place and met all my family. The occasion was actually the 13th day of after my grand aunt's expiry. However, i got into a discussion with my younger sister...a year younger to me...she was feeling low...

She sincerely told me..."our office is shifting to Mumbai Central from Goregaon...and now tomorrow onwards, i will have to travel all the way from Borivli to Mumbai central..i am fed up...

Fifteen people have already been removed from office on the premise of cost cutting. I was saved because uncle had got me into this job. Now all the load is going to come on me..of all those who have left. I have my exams coming up in two months. My senior is not nice to me...he plays politics. The colleague who used to handle me well left office. I want to leave. I am not able to grow..."

This all came out very subtly...and as I tried to console her saying that all is fine..and it's natural to think like that...and she almost started crying...

oh my little sister...i felt very sorry...but that was just half the story...she continued:

"The problem is not that i am fed up. I can leave this job. but I can not stay at home." I thought that this was a response of just getting used to work. But she said, "i cant stay at home because i cant handle mummy..." (her mother is psychologically unstable) "She keeps on putting all her frustration on us (father, herself and her sibling). i don't know how papa handles her...I tend to get wild sometimes. I am short tempered. I understand she is like that, but how much can i take. There is no mental peace. She asks me too many questions - about herself, and about me...even if I get a call, she asks me too many questions. I have stopped taking calls at home now. I have come up, but what will happen to my younger sister...what values will she take...there is no positive atmosphere at home. I am worried. I am tensed."

There are so many loops above which i haven't mentioned. but I could do nothing but empathise and console her.

Everyone's story is the same:

"It happens only with me"

and I thought it was only me!

mental peace...
space...
mess...

and to end:

itni shakti humey dena daata
man kaa vishwaas kamzor ho naa
ham chale nek rastey pe humse
bhool kar bhi koi bhool ho naa.