There comes a time often when we think critically of our relationships. It's a time when we ponder over what more can we draw out of the relationship that we nurture. We mostly fall into a relation because we need it - socially, psychologically or physically...but there comes a time when this 'use value' of the bond is over.
However, on the other hand, relationships can grow with time. Maturing relationships are satisfying and keep things going, since there is something to gain from it all the time. If nothing, one can look forward to sharing vulnerabilities in a maturing relationship. Our relationships with parents seldom grow with time - or atleast it happens so in my case? Or I am not really sure. For example, I think a boy doesnot need a father after a certain age - say about 25 years, or may be it varies from person to person. But at that age, one looks for a new dimension in that relationship. This new dimension allows to explore life from a new standpoint. A relationship has to be able to offer a lens that allows such perspective. Otherwise it can become hindering. Two issues are involved here - one is the condition of a maturing mind and the othr is the hegemonic parental purview.
Children are often looking up to find people to discuss their newer problems, and newer dimensions of life with someone, during their changing or liminal ages. Parents seldom become mediators in such ages. That's why we take on to friends - whom we believe to be in the same boat as ourselves and who seem to be equally concerned and affected by the circumstances that influence us. Contrastingly, parents are always wanting to 'show us the way' implicitly commanding a hold over the 'moral' ways of dealing with a situation rather than exploring it. Exploration of a situation is important to be able to learn from it. Exploration is the very nature of an evolving mind - just like we explore objects as toddlers. The exploration of the intangible becomes more fascinating in our young years like the tangible during infancy. We want to deduce our own results or formulas of dealing with the kinds of situations we fall in. We also experiment ourselves with putting ourselves in new kinds of situations.
But the instituion of parenting is about getting the end results of all the situations 'right'. Although we need to understand that our elders too may have gone through such situations. What one needs to extract is the mental landscape of our elders during fresh situations of their times. In the realm of the intangible, often the basic nature and structure of interrelationships between people remain unchanges. The manifestations they result from and result into may be different. Parents could do a great deal if they share their life with heir children. This helps the children to feel about their parents as their friends. It also gives the children confidence to share internal conflicts with them.
This again brings me to my age old theory on expression. It may be difficult to express for a lot of people - into words. Many people write, very few draw. Most people express through the tangible world. It may be very difficult for some people to articulate their experiences. There exists no institutions on releasing formula for expressing oneself. Expression in our society gets suppressed to an extent that it may manifest into material life. The material life around us thus gets coded with such values and expression. Therefore it becomes very difficult to detach from the material life. This kind of relationship with the material is complete contrast of the consumerist. It is a relationship similar to that we develop with a certificate or a medal. But in our real lives, would materials be able to hold us down to our relationships?
I do not know. But larger ideas with maintaining relationships are related to ideas of freedom and independence. I do not feel mature enough to deal with it. Hence it will be only wise to stop here.
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However, on the other hand, relationships can grow with time. Maturing relationships are satisfying and keep things going, since there is something to gain from it all the time. If nothing, one can look forward to sharing vulnerabilities in a maturing relationship. Our relationships with parents seldom grow with time - or atleast it happens so in my case? Or I am not really sure. For example, I think a boy doesnot need a father after a certain age - say about 25 years, or may be it varies from person to person. But at that age, one looks for a new dimension in that relationship. This new dimension allows to explore life from a new standpoint. A relationship has to be able to offer a lens that allows such perspective. Otherwise it can become hindering. Two issues are involved here - one is the condition of a maturing mind and the othr is the hegemonic parental purview.
Children are often looking up to find people to discuss their newer problems, and newer dimensions of life with someone, during their changing or liminal ages. Parents seldom become mediators in such ages. That's why we take on to friends - whom we believe to be in the same boat as ourselves and who seem to be equally concerned and affected by the circumstances that influence us. Contrastingly, parents are always wanting to 'show us the way' implicitly commanding a hold over the 'moral' ways of dealing with a situation rather than exploring it. Exploration of a situation is important to be able to learn from it. Exploration is the very nature of an evolving mind - just like we explore objects as toddlers. The exploration of the intangible becomes more fascinating in our young years like the tangible during infancy. We want to deduce our own results or formulas of dealing with the kinds of situations we fall in. We also experiment ourselves with putting ourselves in new kinds of situations.
But the instituion of parenting is about getting the end results of all the situations 'right'. Although we need to understand that our elders too may have gone through such situations. What one needs to extract is the mental landscape of our elders during fresh situations of their times. In the realm of the intangible, often the basic nature and structure of interrelationships between people remain unchanges. The manifestations they result from and result into may be different. Parents could do a great deal if they share their life with heir children. This helps the children to feel about their parents as their friends. It also gives the children confidence to share internal conflicts with them.
This again brings me to my age old theory on expression. It may be difficult to express for a lot of people - into words. Many people write, very few draw. Most people express through the tangible world. It may be very difficult for some people to articulate their experiences. There exists no institutions on releasing formula for expressing oneself. Expression in our society gets suppressed to an extent that it may manifest into material life. The material life around us thus gets coded with such values and expression. Therefore it becomes very difficult to detach from the material life. This kind of relationship with the material is complete contrast of the consumerist. It is a relationship similar to that we develop with a certificate or a medal. But in our real lives, would materials be able to hold us down to our relationships?
I do not know. But larger ideas with maintaining relationships are related to ideas of freedom and independence. I do not feel mature enough to deal with it. Hence it will be only wise to stop here.
