What makes me write this piece of blog is my today’s horoscope, which reads:
“Part of you wants to sell out and blend in because it’s painful not to be fully appreciated. Give the rest of the world more time to notice you. Amplify your weirdness and keep going.”
-Dr. Prem Kumar Sharma, HT
That is what I have been thinking about since the last 9 days. I do not know if people can really gauge the happiness that I have got in completing my course. I mean…c’mon…I have finished five long years of a course, which was so hectic, different and laborious. Architecture IS a difficult course. And a very few people, perhaps, realize that. That is why there is such a thanda response from people around. No one asks me about how it was to study a course (completely different from the rest in my family) in the past five years. Neither are they interested in what I am planning to do further. No one appreciates the fact that I attempted a project in my final year that virtually seemed impossible…perhaps they do not value anything that I did in the past two years.
However, one can at least value the fact that I have virtually completed my graduation. I think it’s a big thing. I will get a degree in my hand soon (hopefully)…I don’t know why no one has been talking about any of the things which I want people to discus about…all this puts me off…
I wanted to jump, shout, laugh…after my jury. But my jury itself was so low-key and so thanda, that I felt I had made another ‘naturopathy centre’. At that time, I felt, it’s better than answering those toilet-parapet questions. But then the jury was not exciting, I feel now. It did not appreciate the questions I raised. Nor did it fully appreciate the design…the discussion was so hanky panky…I think I am not able to tell it in writing…it was not worth the two years of hardwork…on a subject like mine…I should have made a naturopathy centre…
I may say to people that I had a good jury, but that is looking at it from another perspective…where you don’t get those midgets to talk about a good project. Let me, for the first time confess – “Yes, I did a good and a different project”. This comes at a time when I have given my jury. And the bigger thing is that it comes from me. I have never uttered these words during the course of my research. So you think what’s the deal if you already know that you are good… I say what’s the goodness which is only known to you? Confidence comes from appreciation by people whom you respect. That is what I strongly believe. This thought is killing me…because I don’t think that has happened. Appreciation from friends is a different thing…they will always appreciate you. There are only some friends who will honestly tell you what they think about your work. That is why I like Atul’s comments. Others are just diplomatic. Diplomatic to the core. I don’t really like such people. The worst part is that in groups of such people, you too have to be diplomatic. I used to hate being diplomatic until the 2nd year…and therefore people used to hate me…I mean my classmates. I started learning to be diplomatic from the 3rd year…but then onwards, I never really spoke what I really felt about anything…my words were always sugarcoated. But diplomacy taught me one thing…nothing is bad, there is a good side to everything. And one must always be constructive in one’s criticism.
There will be a lot of people who will try to point out your mistakes. They would not try to find out any opportunity in the mistake. That is the catch. Every mistake, I feel has an opportunity to learn. That’s what I tried to point out when people came to me. Our problem is that we do not question at all. Perhaps, if I may say, I tried to raise questions within people’s minds – it includes my guide Padma Desai too.
Well, I may be preachy by now. But one can appreciate oneself. Especially when others around are not acknowledging the fact of good work. Going back to my thesis, I don’t really care, even if I get a pass class...because I don’t think any one understands fully what I have gone through the last two years…and can any one imagine a year without peaceful sleep?…never mind – I appreciate my own self! I don’t think there is any other option than to boost oneself…
A hundred more things in my mind…but to word them all and to read it will become boring…this frustration will either percolate partly in each blog or might just heal as time passes by…
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Acknowledgements II (part I in dissertation)
Now this is very weird! When you don’t have time at all, you feel like you must blog…and when you have loads of time in your hand, you feel that you must sit idling…but today I have decided that I must upgrade my blog. There have been a couple of things, which I have to write about, perhaps, this may not contain everything. Therefore, this will be just tidbits of the past few weeks that have been spent laboriously completing my thesis.
I think this blog must be decdicated to all those people who play a role in my thesis, post my dissertation was printed, as these names would not occur in my dissertation.
Firstly, I must mention Ushma Mehta, my senior, whom I helped last year. She has so beautifully reciprocated the deed of help that I can not put in words. She gave the final 6 hours (or more) to my site model to make it look presentable. Not only that, even the next day, she called me up to asked if there was any help needed. Luckily, I had my other friends out there…my juniors…Beverly was quick and she did a considerable amount of work in a short time. She was good at understanding my design and hence could do a lot of work without me explaining much of it. Both Ushma and Beverly were working together as I was guiding them and they just made the model start going. Beverly could not make the next day. However, Nandita Rebello, again from second year, came for very little time. She came in when I was at the plotter’s. Hence, I gave her instructions on the phone and she carried out the task very neatly. Though she cut a part of one of my site for her stuff and stuck the ‘wrong side up’, I think, that was tolerable.
That day, Gauri from fouth year came as a surprise. She came along with Nihara, whom I had asked for help a few days ago. Swapnil came as a magic wand. While I was waiting at the plotter’s, he suggested that he would get all the sheets to my place and told me, Nihara and Gauri to carry on. This saved me a lot of time. As we reached home, Nahdita was about to leave in half an hour. Nihara, Gauri and me took over. They allowed me to take a nap of half an hour. They kept working quietly, but slowly. Gauri too had to leave in some time. By the time, Swapnil got the plots at home. I made a quick look at the plots and kept them safe inside. One of the plots was spoilt, which I told shilpa to replot.
Gauri had to leav within some time.Nihara was there with me till late. Swapnil too joined me later at 8. he helped me with the trees. The look absolutely beautiful. Swapnil also put the trees in my design on the site model. Nihara was slow, but when i started pushing her, she did many small works. She gave me the idea to call Shraddha the next day. I called her up and she was most ready to come home. Swap and nihara went home by 11.30 pm.
The next day, Shraddha came exactly by 2 pm – as decided. Then, there was no turning back. I asked her – what time she has to be back home. And her reply, was the most soothing and satisfying answer, I ever got. She said, “When you are done with your work, then I will go home.” This meant a lot to me. At a time when I would have just sat and spent all time worrying what and how to do, she lent me all her support – not only in terms of physical, but in terms of moral too. She kept working with me until seven the next morning, and I deeply regret that I could not even drop her at her place, because my car was full of models…
I have developed a deep respect for all people mentioned above. They have stood by me at time when my task seemed unmanageable. Moreover, I respect and thank all of them – respect for their help and thankfulness for conveying their friendship. I think I must also thank God for putting everything in place. It seemed that things just happened in the right time. No one said ‘no’ to me for help. There was someone or the other in the last 5 days at home. Though I was tensed, people placated me. It was restlessness…to complete, to get done. And that restlessness can not be explained. Perhaps, everyone who came to help me could see that within me. I don’t think I was patient with my actions…but I was still trying to keep my cool. I hope I was fair to everyone. And if I was not, then I ask for forgiveness. And all you guys, pleas never forget me when you are in need of help. I will try my best to deliver any kind of help that may be possible.
Thanks again. All the best.
I think this blog must be decdicated to all those people who play a role in my thesis, post my dissertation was printed, as these names would not occur in my dissertation.
Firstly, I must mention Ushma Mehta, my senior, whom I helped last year. She has so beautifully reciprocated the deed of help that I can not put in words. She gave the final 6 hours (or more) to my site model to make it look presentable. Not only that, even the next day, she called me up to asked if there was any help needed. Luckily, I had my other friends out there…my juniors…Beverly was quick and she did a considerable amount of work in a short time. She was good at understanding my design and hence could do a lot of work without me explaining much of it. Both Ushma and Beverly were working together as I was guiding them and they just made the model start going. Beverly could not make the next day. However, Nandita Rebello, again from second year, came for very little time. She came in when I was at the plotter’s. Hence, I gave her instructions on the phone and she carried out the task very neatly. Though she cut a part of one of my site for her stuff and stuck the ‘wrong side up’, I think, that was tolerable.
That day, Gauri from fouth year came as a surprise. She came along with Nihara, whom I had asked for help a few days ago. Swapnil came as a magic wand. While I was waiting at the plotter’s, he suggested that he would get all the sheets to my place and told me, Nihara and Gauri to carry on. This saved me a lot of time. As we reached home, Nahdita was about to leave in half an hour. Nihara, Gauri and me took over. They allowed me to take a nap of half an hour. They kept working quietly, but slowly. Gauri too had to leave in some time. By the time, Swapnil got the plots at home. I made a quick look at the plots and kept them safe inside. One of the plots was spoilt, which I told shilpa to replot.
Gauri had to leav within some time.Nihara was there with me till late. Swapnil too joined me later at 8. he helped me with the trees. The look absolutely beautiful. Swapnil also put the trees in my design on the site model. Nihara was slow, but when i started pushing her, she did many small works. She gave me the idea to call Shraddha the next day. I called her up and she was most ready to come home. Swap and nihara went home by 11.30 pm.
The next day, Shraddha came exactly by 2 pm – as decided. Then, there was no turning back. I asked her – what time she has to be back home. And her reply, was the most soothing and satisfying answer, I ever got. She said, “When you are done with your work, then I will go home.” This meant a lot to me. At a time when I would have just sat and spent all time worrying what and how to do, she lent me all her support – not only in terms of physical, but in terms of moral too. She kept working with me until seven the next morning, and I deeply regret that I could not even drop her at her place, because my car was full of models…
I have developed a deep respect for all people mentioned above. They have stood by me at time when my task seemed unmanageable. Moreover, I respect and thank all of them – respect for their help and thankfulness for conveying their friendship. I think I must also thank God for putting everything in place. It seemed that things just happened in the right time. No one said ‘no’ to me for help. There was someone or the other in the last 5 days at home. Though I was tensed, people placated me. It was restlessness…to complete, to get done. And that restlessness can not be explained. Perhaps, everyone who came to help me could see that within me. I don’t think I was patient with my actions…but I was still trying to keep my cool. I hope I was fair to everyone. And if I was not, then I ask for forgiveness. And all you guys, pleas never forget me when you are in need of help. I will try my best to deliver any kind of help that may be possible.
Thanks again. All the best.
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