Knowing the World

These days I remain split between whether I should write (my experiences here on my blog) or whether I must read (articles to enrich my understanding of the world at large). For some time, I was wondering if I had run out of things to write about? However, it's not that I don't have any thing to write, rather I tend to think if the same time was invested in reading (for example the world news, books, novels, academic texts, etc.), would my view of the world be different? It ofcourse will be. But do I want to affect my view of the world through these mediations? This is a hard one to resolve.

I took two courses this semester - one on media theory and the other on globalization space - both taught by important theorists within their domain (Francesco Casetti and Keller Easterling, respectively). Through the Theory of Media course, I have come to understand further how media is 'scripting' our lives. In simpler terms, we start imagining the world in terms of media, in forms of media. Thus the medium becomes the message! Too simplistically put here, but I will not dwell on this idea here, rather go back to my questions I raised before!

The other one "globalization space" got me introduced to so much that is happening around me. There is so much happening around the world that would probably interest me. If I was a traveler, I would go mad absorbing all the information that was coming in front of my eyes and into my brain. But the unfamiliarity to all of it is what made be a bit nervous about myself. Today, as all the students taking the course (who came from different parts of the world and studying different disciplines at Yale) presented their observations in the form of a Pecha Kucha presentation, I found it a bit difficult to understand, rather contextualize much of the information that was displayed. They spoke about concerns from their own homelands - all related to globalization. It was hard for me to absorb the material. Not that I could not have grasped, but it was hard to put them in the already formed large categories in my head. For a moment, I wondered if this must be attributed to my lack of general knowledge about the world.

To talk in my favour to some extent, I do look the format as a hurdle. The content presented in 15 slides scrolling each for 15 seconds with a densely packed background commentary is hard to digest in the duration of 3 minutes. I wonder if it was the as difficult for others in the audience. For that matter, I can not understand any thing that I do not spend sufficient time with. I am anyway not so good at small talk, and I can not talk about things merely on their surface. I have a compulsive habit of either getting to the root of the discussion, or just leaving it there, untouched.

Thus my experience of this Pecha Kucha for the class was a mixed one. I would have loved to know more about a lot of the presentation contents, but now, I remain at the risk of forgetting all of them since I could not penetrate them further beyond the screen shots that lasted for 15 seconds! Such unrest made me dig into the Times of India online immediately after I came back to my desk after the session. I looked up headlines on Mumbai Mirror, Rediff and so on to perhaps try and make myself upto date with my own hometown, or country. Ironically, no news fascinated me. this was largely because I could not place them in their own histories (which is also supposed to be mine), and secondly because I could not relate them to my own personal history, of how they affect me!

I am certain they do intersect in some way. It was evident when  I clicked by the small converter within the online newspaper website: "Find out how much is 100 rupees in US dollars today?" I was captivated, and  got pulled into it instantly, at once realizing the importance of world economic dynamics and the way it affected my own journey. But I still can not fathom the amount of information existing in the world. Some people are extremely good at accumulating a gist of everything around themselves. I wonder if they are living scripted lives (imbricated by the media!)? Many people are well traveled, many of them are well read, many are further informed by the media they have consumed. I seem to be lacking on all fronts, yet trying to find my confidence in my own limited view of the world!

How relevant is it then, to know the world? Or how do we make it relevant? Or rather, do we try to make everything relevant to us once we have consumed it, only because we have consumed it? It is human nature to force connections into whatever is there in our heads. We connect all dots, like we make constellations out of starts that are so distant from each other in the void of the sky! We connect everything, such that it becomes meaningful to us. Meaning thus, is constructed out of relationships to other things happening around us. In other words, meaning is merely a relative act of understanding. Yet, meaning is so important to exist. But can meaning be self-referential? Can the orientation of meaning be inside-out rather than outside-in? To word it simply, does the world become what we make of it, or do we become what the world wants us to be?

I know these are hard questions. We construct our lives within the dialectic of this 'inside' and 'outside'. But this is an interesting contradiction between the two courses I took this semester, rather I must say courses through which I look at life. Media and the global - as much as they split each other, they also bind. As much as they set apart, they bring the places close.

Probably this will be a lifelong struggle. I can never make up my mind about "how much one should know?" Aren't the definitions of "intelligence", "wise", "smart" - in other words, all socially acceptable, morally positive codes of behaviour scripted within that question? Sometimes I feel more knowledge makes us dumb, since it makes us behave in a more and more scripted behaviour. Scripted behaviour, to understand simply, is a behaviour that is not natural to you or your bodily existence - it is something that the world wants you to behave like!

I think the American short answer to this question would be: "F*** the world!"

Let's accept it for the time being.

Second Birthday in Yale

At 12 am, they sneaked into the main door of my building - I don't know how? They all tried to fool me saying that Mitalee, who was at my home some time ago, stole the key to my apartment - something I fell for initially, but later just didnot make sense - it was lying exactly where it was supposed to be (and also I dropped Mitalee to the shuttle that came to pick her up, after which I couldn't have entered my house back without keys in my hand!). However, they left the answer lingering. Banging, clanging my door at night, Shashi, Anwar, Mitalee, Mansi and Keerthi surprised me on my birthday!

"Dhokla kahaan hai?" everyone squeaked immediately! I had invited them earlier that day since I had made dhoklas that turned out to be awesome - Mitalee had her share of it! Mansi escaped out in the end saying she had too much work to complete. Others hadn't replied. Clearly they were planning to surprise. So as soon as they arrived, I had to rush into the kitchen to make the dhoklas for them - 12.15 am at night! While i prepared for them, they prepared for me...Tiramitsu that they had got! While I mixed and prepared my makeshift "contraption" for steaming the dhoklas in the pan, they were ready with the candles dotting a smiley on the sweet they had got!

While the dhoklas steamed for 15 minutes, I celebrated my birthday! With one tiramitsu over my face, Mansi saved one out of the remaining 4 (before others finished it) for me! The dhoklas were almost ready until I washed my face off the cream...Mansi gave the lovely sponge a cut over which I poured the sugared tadka! And eventually it was ready to eat. I relished the tiramitsu as much as they liked the dhokla! Then I slept!

The day was bright and happy. Sun was out in the clear sky and it wasn't freezing to death. The air had a resonance which kept me lifted!

My phone was undergoing a cathartic experience. Messages simultaneously from Facebook, Gmail, Skype, Whatsapp and phone-calls were jamming my phone time and again. I think every possible application was busy delivering me birthday wishes. I restarted my phone multiple times to relieve it of its diarrhoea. I wonder how much microwave that the device purged, made way into my body yesterday!

In the evening, my program mate Brent gave me a lovely little drawing for my birthday - something that I had asked him for long time ago. It was a post-it-size sketch of the Rudolph Hall - beautifully rendered. Later that evening, I decided to craft a wood-project in the workshop - a phone stand for resting my phone over video calls. The project didnot turn out as I expected it to be, and I gave up too soon, since I had a session to attend (the PhD Dialogue, seminar series). The Dialogues were too intellectual, and I merely enjoyed the illustrations and debates that went on in the room.

Later that evening I went to attend a concert in which my friend Reena's composition (who is pursuing her PhD at the Yale school of Music) was going to take place. I thoroughly enjoyed her composition. I came home and prepared some quick food. Decided to go to bed early after the late night surprise the earlier day.

This morning, as I reached my studio, two things happened: I received an autographed catalogue from Barry Bergdoll (former chief curator, MOMA, Architecture & Design Dept), something I had left at MoMA for him to sign. Secondly, Brent had corrected the wood work of my project and kept a nicely chiseled phone-stand on my table. It look perfect!

And thus, everything around the birthday seemed perfect. The pleasant weather continues meanwhile.

---

Thank you all for making this day special!

And meanwhile - I still wonder how these people got into my house :P

Translation

Song : Jaage Hain
Music : A R Rahman
Lyrics : Gulzar
Singers : Chithra K S, Madras Chorale Group, A R Rahman

Jage hain der tak, hamen kuchh der sone do
Thodee see rat aur hai, subah toh hone do
Aadhe adhure khwab jo pure naa ho sake
Ek bar phir se nind me woh khwab bone do

---

Awake for some time now, let me for another while, sleep on

A slight night is left yet, let the morning dawn 

The half imagined dreams that could not be accomplished

Once again, back in the sleep, let them be sown

A New House

Three weeks ago, I moved yet again in New Haven, this being my 4th house in this town. And this time, I am almost located back where I started - downtown! Why I am shifting will constitute an altogether new post, but here I want to talk about my current state of mind, anticipations and expectations from the new place!

Before I go on to explaining the situation at present, I must briefly describe my experience of house hunting! I adopted 3 modes of references: 

1. Asking friends to see if they or their friends needed roommates!

2. Asking friends if they were looking for someone to occupy a vacant room

3. Craigslist and other internet groups 

The three channels above took me to various kinds of people, various kinds of places. There were so many factors in the head while selecting a house. While the physical condition of the room is one aspect, the other important criteria was to find a decent roommate. There were expectations that one could move with a culturally similar person, from South Asia. I had an added boundary of my 'vegetarianism'. But I allowed to let that go pretty easily. The other aspects to choose were the distance of the place from my school, the budget (ofcourse) and the area in which it was located, given the notoriety of New Haven with relation to crimes. Being in the north east, everyone goes through pain of finding about added utilities of heating and electricity - whether the house is gas heated, or electric heated! This is the most important concern given the extreme winters that long till March. 

However, most of the times, I was able to decide whether to move in a place or not by its smell! I have realized how important smell is for a place to be adapted to. For me, the room had to smell acceptable. The ideal would be a neutral air, but I witnessed all kinds of smells - rooms with Chinese spice aromas, to food stuff rotting since days, to refrigerators leaking out smells of overloaded meat, to smell of dampness and darkness, airconditioning, of deoderents,  and so on. The only way I used to test was to ask myself whether the new room would be able to take my smell -  or in other words, if I would be able to change the smell of the space as I move in.

I finally decided upon a room here given the amount of detachment it offered me from my roommate, the budget and the amount of freedom it gave me to project myself on it. My new room is a small one, brightly lit by two large windows with white, translucent curtains. The room is bright and white painted - everything in the room is white, like an untouched white canvas. It smells of some weird medicine, which I think will be overcome-able!  The apartment has another bedroom occupied by another girl. The only common space is the kitchen & a large bathroom which will be shared by both. 

And so this new place gave me an opportunity to think about ways of domesticating it. Trying out moving scarce furniture from one corner to the other, I have finally rested upon a layout. Other things got worked out interestingly - I got a foldable sofa bed from someone who was selling it for cheap and it perfectly suited the small nature of my room. So I now have enough floor space for myself since I can fold the bed into a sofa! Further, I got a small lamp (given that there was no light in the room) - and I luckily found one as simple as a white cylinder! I played with its position for a week and I have realized how important it is to avoid movement to switch off lights just when you are about to sleep. That one moment when you get up between finally pulling over your blanket and switching of the light can ruin the sublime experience of transitioning from your conscious to your unconscious moment.

Similarly, it is so important to have your alarm in close vicinity to you in the morning - such that your reverse transition from sleep to awake is smoother. Since I use my mobile as my alarm clock, I also need to have a charging point closer. And since most of the times, the last thing I work on is my laptop, I prefer to have all its assemblage (the charger, mouse, hard drive, etc) to lay as it is around - where everything can be disconnected merely by one single plug! With all these factors in mind, I think I needed to just pull up an extension board with control for all electrical devices at one place! (I also realize how electricity now puts us to, and wakes us up from our sleep)!

Keeping the room like a white canvas is as compelling as the desire to fill up with one's idiosyncrasies. Sometimes I wish I had the money to build my own kind of furniture according to my collection such that this could truly represent me! But it is here that I realize how architects can be so imposing - in a way that we never get into people's archives to structure furniture according to what they would like to have on the walls, shelfs or show cases. Interior design is always about making a space that can be published in a design magazine or architecture blog! But there is joy in keeping one's room "messy" - only in comparison to what the architects would call "clean". But the messy tells much more about life than the clean. Rather, messy is life, and clean is just sterile.

Soren: The Cat

I share my new house with my room mate and her cat. The cat's name is Soren - a black cat, almost 10 years old.

Soren is curious cat. He spends most of his time alone, sitting and gazing at the empty walls of the rooms in the house. Since no one is at home throughout the day, I wonder what he does for himself.

Last night when I came home and opened the door of my room to enter the kitchen, he was waiting there like a statue gazing me as if asking: "So you finally came? I wasn't waiting, but it's nice that you came." It seemed as if he has been waiting for ages. Waiting for something to happen, someone to come. He waits alone, sitting still, doing nothing, without any movement. His eyes tell that he has become weary of waiting, waiting has become a part of his life - like the taxi drivers or the private drivers who spend half their lives waiting for their masters in the car.

I feel bad for him for he does not have a friend he can talk to, that belongs to his community, and secondly in his own language! So I try to tease him in my version of "Meows"! When I did it last, he gazed at me deep, as if asking: "Are you a cat? You don't look like one? Then why are you mewing? Are you trying to fool me? I am too clever to fall into your trap!" And he walked back into his room - throwing away lot of attitude! I laughed.

Soren is extremely curious. When I came to the house on the first day, trying to settle in with all the stuff lying around, Soren stuck his head inside my room through the half open door - looked at me and gestured bossingly: "Can I come in?"

I smiled. He came in and started looking carefully at each object lying around. He tried to smell some things, perhaps, but then going closer to some objects, he checked if there was anything wrong, maybe? He took a round looking at every little object kept around. (Check the video)! And then, he was okay. He stood in the middle of the room and wondered what to do. He went back then.

What was he thinking I don't know. But all I care is to be as curious as him. I also wish to be as patient as him, and as comfortable as he is with his lonesomeness. I dont know what he dreams when he sleeps, since all he sees is the 4 walls for much time. He has a toy box with some funny toys - springs, ball, etc. But I have not seen him playing with them yet. Although I have seen him climbing on the window sill and gazing at the outside world - empty streets, free standing trees and dead houses. That is his life. I wish I could talk to him...

But in this pursuit, I play with him, to find a mode of communication. I touch him, fondle him - he never minds, yet never gives in. He knows it's not going to be permanent. He is much wiser! Guess pets like cats  internalize such psychology. Good for them! I wonder what a life it must be to lead without friends, parents, sex, partner, community, quarrel...Does all of it matter to animals?

Guess there is something to learn here!