Visual Conversations

And there are those moments when simultaneously, in a restaurant waiting for your friends to arrive you await the order you just placed to be brought. You look at people around sitting in the restaurant, noticing expressions, reading thoughts on their minds and occasionally, you hit sight with a person whom you would like to have shared a table with. Sometimes, as if things just have to happen, the line of sight that connects you to that person visually is absolutely clear. That person looks at you too (is it the clear line of visual axis at work?).

Both share glances. Initially hesitating. Then growing confident. Both try to overlook occasionally so that there are no misunderstandings. But the assumption of it being a misunderstanding itself is a misunderstanding. You distract yourself by talking to your table mates and wait to turn back your glance to that stranger across who you suspect is glancing back at you. Your postures are calculated consciously. You like the attention you receive. And while you smile at your table mates over a random conversation, you also actually want to impress that stranger across...

The person makes expressions as if thinking or day dreaming while turning to you. You wonder then, if he/she is looking deep into you or whether he/she is daydreaming in reality. You abolish the suspection...because you know it is not daydreaming. How is it confirmed? It is through the rhythmic sharing of glances. You know that one doesn't daydream in rhythms! Eventually you are transported mentally to his/her table. There are mini imaginations... "what if..." moments.

There are conversations that happen between both made up only through deep glances. You too feel that the smiles that person makes for his/her table mate are actually meant for you... You enjoy the parallel world you have created for yourself, which you assume is also sustained by this stranger. Do you wonder if this parallel world would ever or could ever collide with the present...or near future and with a secret desire of sharing this mental conversation with the person...? Do you wonder if the screen of gaze would rupture and bring you two in a space that you are no longer strangers?

You leave the space with these questions, and wonder if you would every confront this person - the real or the imaginary that you created in the head. However, I record this for if we ever meet in the future.

Of Love

Love happens when we start attaching meaning to certain actions of people, events that concern us and reflect upon us in our life. There are only a few people with whom we (can) sympathize and share our innermost thoughts feelings and desires. These are people who do not judge but let you be. 

But what is the question of meaning? What is meaning? What does it hold? Why is it important? And how does meaning get produced? Who allows the production of meaning? How do we relate to people who allow us to construct, develop and evolve these meanings? 

Meaningfulness is something that perhaps makes you feel complete as a person. Meaning brings coherence to your thoughts. It brings together the tangibility of the outside world and the intangibility of the internal world of the mind. By making them respond to each other harmoniously, meaning gives a sense of completeness - the idea of one's completeness is in various aspects. 

Different people make us feel complete in different aspects of life. I think we live these people. They bring a structure to our otherwise variegated thoughts towards forming a conception of that aspect. The idea of aspect is the different projections we have of ourselves. Most of our projections manifest in the real world. Sometimes we just don't know how. But these reflect in our actions - in the ways we operate. We search for response to these actions. 

Perhaps all respond to our actions. Very few respond to them in the way we want, our perceived ideal way. These people validate our actions by accepting them, without judging them, by allowing them to be the way they are. I think these gestures become meaningful to us because they legitimize our being. The meaning that gets constructed in the legitimization give us a fullness and come to define our identity. The formation of identity helps us gain confidence, and confidence drives our actions in life. 

People who help us attain such confidence through accepting us, giving us an ear, making us feel comfortable with ourselves become lovable. Such love is meaningful. We associate value to such acts which help us understand ourselves, and construct meaning. We thus possess meaning through love. We possess completeness of ourselves through love. And hence, when heart breaks, we feel incomplete about ourselves, therefore uncomfortable and restless.

Each one of us looks for this completeness. It gives us balance and comfort. And perhaps that's how it works...

Landscapes / US Road Trips

White Outlines

Rubaru...(English Translation)

Movie: Rang De Basanti

Music: A R RahmanLyrics: Prasoon JoshiSingers: Naresh Iyer, A R Rahman


aye saala

abhi abhi huaa yakeen
ki aag hai mujh mein kahi
hui subaah main jal gaya
suraj ko main nigal gaya
roo-ba-roo roshni
roobaroo roshni hai

jo gumshuda, sa khwaab tha
woh mil gaya woh khil gaya
who loha tha pighal gaya
khincha khincha machal gaya
sitaar mein badal gaya
roobaroo, roshni
roobaroo, roshni hai..

dhuaan chhanta khula gagan mera
nayi dagar naya safar mera
jo ban sake tu hamsafar mera
nazar mila zara

aandhiyon se jhagad rahi hai lau meri
ab mashaalon si badh rahi hai lau meri
naamo nishaan rahe na rahe
ye karavaan rahe na rahe
ujaale mein pee gaya
roshan hua jee gaya
kyon sehte rahe
roobaru roshni
rubaru, roshni hai..

dhuaan chhataa khula gagan mera
nayi dagar naya safar mera
jo ban sake tu hamsafar mera
nazar mila zara

***

Oh shucks...I just realised... 
That I have a fire, somewhere inside me 
As soon as it dawned, I just burnt
And I gulped down the sun....

I am face to face with light 
I am absolutely seeing light in its face... 

A dream that was almost lost 
Has been resurrected and blooming now 
Something hard like iron has now melted 
It got pulled, danced 
And has transformed into the strings of a sitaar 

The flame of my life is fighting the storms 
Now...it's growing like the flames of the torch 
Whether now I exist or not 
Whether this journey exists or not 
I have gulped down streams of light 
I have become radiant...
I have started living

I am now face to face with light. 
Why bear anymore? 

The fog has now cleared up the sky 
Now I see a new path and a new journey 
If you can become my friend in this journey 
Hint into my eyes 

Oh shucks...