When I see films that I was first exposed to as a kid, I realize their potency and value much intrinsically that I ever did. A lot of films that used to be screened on Doordarshan were perhaps some of the best that Indian cinema has produced; or perhaps something that was considered to be of utmost importance to be screened on 'national television'. I am referring to films like Masoom (Shekhar Kapur), Umrao Jaan (Muzaffar Ali), Jaane Bhi do Yaaron (Kundan Shah), Rudali (Kalpana Lajmi) and so on, that used to be frequently aired on Doordarshan. Songs of these films erupt like sediments of memory, once in a while. Some remains that were impressioned in my young mind when perhaps we didnot even understand the films, their meanings, or their lyrics. But the tunes remained.
I remember often asking my parents, about the point of the above films. They tried to explain, but could seldom express. I wouldn't understand, or sometimes would feel how pointless of those people to make a film without any conclusive end! But as one grows older, one collects life. Age brings you to so many crossroads where you make choices unaware of what results they will fetch you. Choices made not only by you, but even others for you. Of you have no control over so many aspects of this ambiguous journey.
Today when I listen to songs that I memorized as tunes, the once meaningless words take form. It is then, when my childhood reorients. One realizes what the young mind was trying to grasp - something that even the film makers struggled to portray. Those difficulties of being human. Lumps of ambiguities. Never resolvable. I listen to one particular song over and over again, from Umrao Jaan - 'Yeh, kya jagah hai doston...' It has given me new questions, as well as opened me up to new answers every time I have pursued it seriously. It still leaves me questioning - the same feeling you get when standing at the edge of the cliff - where mind is tensioned equally between the ground and the sky. Where you know that the feeling of a free fall will be absolutely great, but it may cost you your life. I could describe that song multiple times, still finding myself with a question.
Sometimes I find myself fortunate to have been systematically exposed to a rich variety of cinema throught he controlled channel of Doordarshan. My exposure during the 1990s was limited to two channels over the television inspite of the economic liberalization that facilitated the introduction of an array of other private channels - another phenomena that affected me later in ways quite different - to which I tend to react today through my work. However, had it not been for this, my focus would have diluted.
Perhaps it works best when one is able to transcend their lives into their works. There is surely space for meaning to be created around it by a huge mass of people, sooner or later.
I remember often asking my parents, about the point of the above films. They tried to explain, but could seldom express. I wouldn't understand, or sometimes would feel how pointless of those people to make a film without any conclusive end! But as one grows older, one collects life. Age brings you to so many crossroads where you make choices unaware of what results they will fetch you. Choices made not only by you, but even others for you. Of you have no control over so many aspects of this ambiguous journey.
Today when I listen to songs that I memorized as tunes, the once meaningless words take form. It is then, when my childhood reorients. One realizes what the young mind was trying to grasp - something that even the film makers struggled to portray. Those difficulties of being human. Lumps of ambiguities. Never resolvable. I listen to one particular song over and over again, from Umrao Jaan - 'Yeh, kya jagah hai doston...' It has given me new questions, as well as opened me up to new answers every time I have pursued it seriously. It still leaves me questioning - the same feeling you get when standing at the edge of the cliff - where mind is tensioned equally between the ground and the sky. Where you know that the feeling of a free fall will be absolutely great, but it may cost you your life. I could describe that song multiple times, still finding myself with a question.
Sometimes I find myself fortunate to have been systematically exposed to a rich variety of cinema throught he controlled channel of Doordarshan. My exposure during the 1990s was limited to two channels over the television inspite of the economic liberalization that facilitated the introduction of an array of other private channels - another phenomena that affected me later in ways quite different - to which I tend to react today through my work. However, had it not been for this, my focus would have diluted.
Perhaps it works best when one is able to transcend their lives into their works. There is surely space for meaning to be created around it by a huge mass of people, sooner or later.
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