After reading this post on 'Sexism at Mood Indigo,' I thought I must add my bit too - something that I have discussed with one of my friends here. Luckily she is a girl, and was completely in tandem with the arguments I had. There is no doubt that most of us in India are horribly sexist. To my understanding, 'sexist' would be someone who discriminates on the basis of sex. Historically, men are understood to be sexists.One of the definitions I found is that a sexist is "a man with a chauvinistic belief in the inferiority of women." There is no argument that 'men' are more prone to be sexists, and the article I refer to in the beginning confirms that.
Several personal circumstances that have taken place over the last one year have compelled me to jot this down finally. First and foremost has been my own cross-cultural encounter with the US, which made me realize the probable shades of sexism within my own self. I am not sure if my thoughts too had strands of sexism before coming here. I want to wrestle here that such thoughts are not as much to do with a modern education, but a particular social & cultural upbringing and a social mode of thinking. The Indian society predominantly thinks in terms of gender roles, which not only conflict with the basic ideas of humanism, but can also be extremely condescending to people in general.
I was first faced with such a situation when leading a class on Urbanism at Yale. In this session I happened to discuss with students that there was no reason to think of 'house-wives' as 'non-contributors' to the society at large, and I believed that home makers played an important social role. My comment was seriously misunderstood by some students, thinking of me to be sexist. All I genuinely attempted to question was the capitalistic undertones of the idea of "contribution". I meant to provoke the default condition that makes us read the idea of 'contribution to the society' primarily as 'economic'. (I was thinking in terms of the Foucault-ian reasoning why mad men, crippled, diseased, handicapped people were historically segregated from the society essentially because they could not contribute to the capitalistic production). In my claim that "house-wives were as important for societal balance," I was being misread as "Women must take on positively to domestic roles." However, I had no intention to suggest the latter. Rather, I wanted to assert that "home-making" itself was scientific, methodical and a logical practice that was not recognized, as much as the professional's role.
But that was my first brush with being slap-tagged as a 'sexist'. I have become more sensitive to discussions since then. Especially in a place like Yale (read" most educated, liberal and elite free thinking confident individuals in the USA), you better not leave any room for the slightest of mis-communication. In the above case, perhaps I was trapped in my own attempt to come out as non-sexist. I was talking through a culture I was raised in, trying to overturn those ideas in another culture that had long bygone those issues. As much as I apologize to the student who reviewed me as 'sexist' in the evaluation, I also thank that person for making me aware of my unintended sexist undertone.
This cross cultural experience has lead to the second serious reading on sexism that exists back home. The subconscious way in which sexism operates in our society can be understood through daily conversations that are exchanged over several interfaces. Recently, emails, sms-es, facebook or messenger services have allowed us to tap into people's mental thought structures. I want to merely make a mention of an ongoing archive that remains a strong proof of the deep-throat sexism that exists within many of us.
My family members began a messenger group over a mobile app to keep connected to people scattered in different places. The group contains individuals young and old, males and females, married and unmarried, brothers and sisters, brothers and sisters-in-law - all kinds of relations who have access to this application and are willing to indulge in periodical 'non-sense' as a means of staying in touch. This kind of an interface has brought into communication distant cousins who hardly spoke to each other, different groups (brother-sister; brother-in-law -- sister-in-law; even husband and wife) into unexpected conversations.The group shares several messages, greetings, conversations and birthday / anniversary notifications. The bulk of these messages however contain jokes, quotations and wacky one liners on a range of subjects. Since the group predominantly contains both members of married couples (who otherwise do not talk face to face in a traditional Indian family setup) and those who are soon going to get married, there is a high traffic of gendered jokes. The volume of husband-wife jokes is the highest in the group. I want to take merely one random example from the group for close analysis. (Needless to say that there are hundreds of laments, pictures, jokes, comments that fill up this messenger-group-archive).
////
From "D*******s" group on Whatsapp:
A female married member posts:
"Hritik Roshan and his wife Sussane have decided to separate.
Moral: Even a superhero like Krrish cannot handle a Wife"*
*(Hritik Roshan is a famous actor in the Hindi film industry who plays the character of a super hero in a film "Krrish"; and recently may have decided to split with his real-life wife Sussane for some personal reasons)
A male married member responds in 3 emoticons:
(a thumb - meaning 'best', the three fingers - indicating 'super', and a namashkar sign - perhaps suggesting 'resignation' to the 'wife')
The original female married member:
posts back 3 emoticons of 'laughter with tears in eyes.'
////
In the above example, note that a joke that originally seems to be a male prerogative thought, has been posted by a female. The joke talks about an Indian film actor who plays a 'superhero' in a film called Krissh, and mixes this fictional account with a real-life tragedy of splitting with his real wife. The joke interprets the split-up as a decision of the male (the truth of which is not known), and imposes certain stereotypical ideas about the wife on its readers. In addition, the actor (read 'hero'), playing a superhero against a non-filmy wife polarizes gender equation. A lot can be said about this skewed construction (I have a problem with such jokes anyway, and will leave it since it is in the nature of a joke to skew facts).
What remains striking to me is the decision for a female to post it on the group. To me, this suggests an internalized condition of self-activated-suppression. The wife, who is assumed to be 'powerless' in the joke-content in the first place gets the status of being 'powerful'. Remember that in 'applauding' over the 'joke', the married male respondent doesnot submit to the 'power' of the wife that is caricatured as 'unhandlable', but rather encourages the woman to believe in a fabricated truth - that is her powerlessness. The subsequent comment by the female knowingly or unknowingly rejoices this powerlessness, in the process of enjoying the joke. In simple words, the woman-respondent, who is also a wife, has happily made a joke of herself, and the other male, who also is a husband to another woman, further reinforces this powerless position of the woman.
On a personal front, I despise husband-wife jokes. They are not only existent in these messenger forums, but all over the popular Indian television shows, comedy shows, soaps, social networking websites, etc. To take another quick example, my brother and mother highly recommended me to look at recent episodes of "Comedy Circus", a stand-up comedy show aired on TV channel in India. Out of boredom, and strange "suggested watching" on my list from YouTube, I looked up a trail of them. I was extremely annoyed after watching 3 of these acts - all anchored around husband-wife jokes. I believe that comments and jokes that become abundantly available through such media like stated above, quite quickly and subconsciously become an active part of self-imagination through which gender roles are not only confirmed, but also stereotyped and denigrated. In other words, they trigger a strong undercurrent of sexist thought.
Not only this, today, the imagination of a husband-wife relationship also thus comes with a set of presumed biases. What makes the young, educated, seemingly liberal newly married men to blanket-ly categorize their wives as spendthrift, quacky, bitchy, demanding, irrational, and so on? Note that these values of the 'wife' and 'woman' soon become interchangeable as a part of not only male, but also female imagination. How many men ever sincerely think, or even like to think that their wives may not, in reality, confirm to such stereotypes? What I may seem to be missing is that we are seriously discussing a 'joke' - but what I want to suggest is that in a 'joke' likes some of the most serious preconceptions of a society.
And even if men do think their wives represent in totality what the jokes represent, aren't they aligning to the scripts that have been injected into the society by media? In that case, are they merely putting up to such jokes so that they have something to blabber in social gatherings? Now how constructive is that? I have hardly seen any one who stands up against such stupid stereotypical behaviours that sometimes are far away from reality.
Unfortunately, as much as we escape this fact, our societal mode of thought is deeply influenced by popular thought to an extent that it has become a part of us. We have subconsciously begun to imagine ourselves through popular jocund discourses like comedies, jokes, laments that constantly put down nuanced gendered behaviours and keep strengthening sexism in our thinking.
In my past 18 months in the US, I have not come across even a single joke making fun of a serious relationship like marriage, or even judging someone based on their sex or gendered behaviour. And that doesnot mean that there is not other content for jokes in this society. Humour here in the USA is much more evolved and goes beyond narrow sexist ideas, at large. Atleast around Yale (which I use as the lens for understanding of a modern, advanced society), making judgement on any one's any personal trait is almost offensive. It is commonly agreed that people inherit physical personalities and no one has the right to comment about any one's physical personal traits, as much as their private lives. There have been several instances where I have been sensitized about such things - and I have come to learn a lot about myself, or things like 'sexist' comments that we almost take for granted in our culture.
--
Yes, this is one of those instances where you can rightly say I have overanalyzed.
But sincerely, there is a kernel of truth in there!
Last Edited: 3rd Jan 2014
Several personal circumstances that have taken place over the last one year have compelled me to jot this down finally. First and foremost has been my own cross-cultural encounter with the US, which made me realize the probable shades of sexism within my own self. I am not sure if my thoughts too had strands of sexism before coming here. I want to wrestle here that such thoughts are not as much to do with a modern education, but a particular social & cultural upbringing and a social mode of thinking. The Indian society predominantly thinks in terms of gender roles, which not only conflict with the basic ideas of humanism, but can also be extremely condescending to people in general.
I was first faced with such a situation when leading a class on Urbanism at Yale. In this session I happened to discuss with students that there was no reason to think of 'house-wives' as 'non-contributors' to the society at large, and I believed that home makers played an important social role. My comment was seriously misunderstood by some students, thinking of me to be sexist. All I genuinely attempted to question was the capitalistic undertones of the idea of "contribution". I meant to provoke the default condition that makes us read the idea of 'contribution to the society' primarily as 'economic'. (I was thinking in terms of the Foucault-ian reasoning why mad men, crippled, diseased, handicapped people were historically segregated from the society essentially because they could not contribute to the capitalistic production). In my claim that "house-wives were as important for societal balance," I was being misread as "Women must take on positively to domestic roles." However, I had no intention to suggest the latter. Rather, I wanted to assert that "home-making" itself was scientific, methodical and a logical practice that was not recognized, as much as the professional's role.
But that was my first brush with being slap-tagged as a 'sexist'. I have become more sensitive to discussions since then. Especially in a place like Yale (read" most educated, liberal and elite free thinking confident individuals in the USA), you better not leave any room for the slightest of mis-communication. In the above case, perhaps I was trapped in my own attempt to come out as non-sexist. I was talking through a culture I was raised in, trying to overturn those ideas in another culture that had long bygone those issues. As much as I apologize to the student who reviewed me as 'sexist' in the evaluation, I also thank that person for making me aware of my unintended sexist undertone.
This cross cultural experience has lead to the second serious reading on sexism that exists back home. The subconscious way in which sexism operates in our society can be understood through daily conversations that are exchanged over several interfaces. Recently, emails, sms-es, facebook or messenger services have allowed us to tap into people's mental thought structures. I want to merely make a mention of an ongoing archive that remains a strong proof of the deep-throat sexism that exists within many of us.
My family members began a messenger group over a mobile app to keep connected to people scattered in different places. The group contains individuals young and old, males and females, married and unmarried, brothers and sisters, brothers and sisters-in-law - all kinds of relations who have access to this application and are willing to indulge in periodical 'non-sense' as a means of staying in touch. This kind of an interface has brought into communication distant cousins who hardly spoke to each other, different groups (brother-sister; brother-in-law -- sister-in-law; even husband and wife) into unexpected conversations.The group shares several messages, greetings, conversations and birthday / anniversary notifications. The bulk of these messages however contain jokes, quotations and wacky one liners on a range of subjects. Since the group predominantly contains both members of married couples (who otherwise do not talk face to face in a traditional Indian family setup) and those who are soon going to get married, there is a high traffic of gendered jokes. The volume of husband-wife jokes is the highest in the group. I want to take merely one random example from the group for close analysis. (Needless to say that there are hundreds of laments, pictures, jokes, comments that fill up this messenger-group-archive).
////
From "D*******s" group on Whatsapp:
A female married member posts:
"Hritik Roshan and his wife Sussane have decided to separate.
Moral: Even a superhero like Krrish cannot handle a Wife"*
*(Hritik Roshan is a famous actor in the Hindi film industry who plays the character of a super hero in a film "Krrish"; and recently may have decided to split with his real-life wife Sussane for some personal reasons)
A male married member responds in 3 emoticons:
(a thumb - meaning 'best', the three fingers - indicating 'super', and a namashkar sign - perhaps suggesting 'resignation' to the 'wife')
The original female married member:
posts back 3 emoticons of 'laughter with tears in eyes.'
////
In the above example, note that a joke that originally seems to be a male prerogative thought, has been posted by a female. The joke talks about an Indian film actor who plays a 'superhero' in a film called Krissh, and mixes this fictional account with a real-life tragedy of splitting with his real wife. The joke interprets the split-up as a decision of the male (the truth of which is not known), and imposes certain stereotypical ideas about the wife on its readers. In addition, the actor (read 'hero'), playing a superhero against a non-filmy wife polarizes gender equation. A lot can be said about this skewed construction (I have a problem with such jokes anyway, and will leave it since it is in the nature of a joke to skew facts).
What remains striking to me is the decision for a female to post it on the group. To me, this suggests an internalized condition of self-activated-suppression. The wife, who is assumed to be 'powerless' in the joke-content in the first place gets the status of being 'powerful'. Remember that in 'applauding' over the 'joke', the married male respondent doesnot submit to the 'power' of the wife that is caricatured as 'unhandlable', but rather encourages the woman to believe in a fabricated truth - that is her powerlessness. The subsequent comment by the female knowingly or unknowingly rejoices this powerlessness, in the process of enjoying the joke. In simple words, the woman-respondent, who is also a wife, has happily made a joke of herself, and the other male, who also is a husband to another woman, further reinforces this powerless position of the woman.
On a personal front, I despise husband-wife jokes. They are not only existent in these messenger forums, but all over the popular Indian television shows, comedy shows, soaps, social networking websites, etc. To take another quick example, my brother and mother highly recommended me to look at recent episodes of "Comedy Circus", a stand-up comedy show aired on TV channel in India. Out of boredom, and strange "suggested watching" on my list from YouTube, I looked up a trail of them. I was extremely annoyed after watching 3 of these acts - all anchored around husband-wife jokes. I believe that comments and jokes that become abundantly available through such media like stated above, quite quickly and subconsciously become an active part of self-imagination through which gender roles are not only confirmed, but also stereotyped and denigrated. In other words, they trigger a strong undercurrent of sexist thought.
Not only this, today, the imagination of a husband-wife relationship also thus comes with a set of presumed biases. What makes the young, educated, seemingly liberal newly married men to blanket-ly categorize their wives as spendthrift, quacky, bitchy, demanding, irrational, and so on? Note that these values of the 'wife' and 'woman' soon become interchangeable as a part of not only male, but also female imagination. How many men ever sincerely think, or even like to think that their wives may not, in reality, confirm to such stereotypes? What I may seem to be missing is that we are seriously discussing a 'joke' - but what I want to suggest is that in a 'joke' likes some of the most serious preconceptions of a society.
And even if men do think their wives represent in totality what the jokes represent, aren't they aligning to the scripts that have been injected into the society by media? In that case, are they merely putting up to such jokes so that they have something to blabber in social gatherings? Now how constructive is that? I have hardly seen any one who stands up against such stupid stereotypical behaviours that sometimes are far away from reality.
Unfortunately, as much as we escape this fact, our societal mode of thought is deeply influenced by popular thought to an extent that it has become a part of us. We have subconsciously begun to imagine ourselves through popular jocund discourses like comedies, jokes, laments that constantly put down nuanced gendered behaviours and keep strengthening sexism in our thinking.
In my past 18 months in the US, I have not come across even a single joke making fun of a serious relationship like marriage, or even judging someone based on their sex or gendered behaviour. And that doesnot mean that there is not other content for jokes in this society. Humour here in the USA is much more evolved and goes beyond narrow sexist ideas, at large. Atleast around Yale (which I use as the lens for understanding of a modern, advanced society), making judgement on any one's any personal trait is almost offensive. It is commonly agreed that people inherit physical personalities and no one has the right to comment about any one's physical personal traits, as much as their private lives. There have been several instances where I have been sensitized about such things - and I have come to learn a lot about myself, or things like 'sexist' comments that we almost take for granted in our culture.
--
Yes, this is one of those instances where you can rightly say I have overanalyzed.
But sincerely, there is a kernel of truth in there!
Last Edited: 3rd Jan 2014
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