The past week has been the busiest week post my thesis. And I am amazed by the amount of things I have been handling. Right from the sets of Anjor Kaaya to co ordinating on the site (Powai) for Opolis, to designing the tickets and posters, to doing some back stage work to co ordinating with my cousin for redoing his house, I had my fingers in everything. But things have been going fine. While there has been no time to rest, I feel a tremendous need to lie down and think for a while whether it is really necessary to exert so much.
But then I like to be on my toes. That is why I sat down at 10 in the night to formulate a brief for my class today. And though I did not come up with anything great, I felt a deep sense of satisfaction for the simple fact that I completed my task. I also went to Falkland road on Sunday, the experience of which I would like to brief out.
As we know of it, Falkland road is one of those lanes of Kamathipura in Mumbai. I personally was not very much interested in studying or even looking up at that area. Most of the times, I feel it has become a ‘hot spot’ to study. Some people like to discuss things which are difficult / embarrassing to discuss. That is their usp. I was amongst those who resisted either selecting or considering that area for study. I did not want to go to Falkland Road. I went for the simple reason to test the level of my embarrassment. More than that, it was fear of being visually raped.
One can not look into the eyes of a prostitute. They simply make you naked. As if you were made to stand without even a single piece of cloth on your body in front of them. On the other hand, architecturally, the place was deserted. We entered from Alfred Talkies side and slowly the buildings started becoming more and more perverse. The beginning was tolerable, when towards the middle we saw the silver decorated victorias. One could metaphorize it as the pleasure ride into the lane of Kamathipura. And soon, the pleasure queens display themselves as products. That is when I got more involved with neha in her talks. This was done to avoid looking at the girls. However, I managed some courage to look at some of them. They were sharp, looked straight into the eye, did not blink, and had perfect postures. If I was not embarrassed, I would have sat there and made a few portraits. However, the defied the laws of ‘conventional beauty’.
Questions which rolled into my head were debates of lust and love; whether one goes for quenching sexual urge, or spend time with another body…and what defines beauty, can lust exist without an idea of beauty (subjective)?
Of course, the area could be documented beautifully by pictures. There was too much of essence in the space itself. But its just the fear that did not allow us to wait and watch. We tried to wait at a sex clinic and talk for some time while dhaval did his part of survey. But I felt I was in the lane just to experience the oddity for that one single time. I do not intend to go there again for any reason. Neha had some beautiful inferences of the place. It was nice to talk to her.
On the other hand, Anjor Kaaya was a little boring. Apart from the length of the play, it needed a strong character sketch of each of the characters of the play. the music was indeed beautiful, but there was far too many unrequired characters. In short, the play was not crisp!
Well, there are far too many things to write, but where is the time? As I write this, my eyelids are heavy with sleep…so I take a break now…
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Monday, January 05, 2009
What to do now?
Experiments are difficult to sustain….specially when one of the apparatus is life. How do you really play with life?
I have left my job already. I wanted to explore my life. But I don’t know how. I have many people to meet…those which include film makers, installation artists, visual artists, architects of course…but there is always a kind of hesitation in the head. I don’t know why! Other things are to elaborate the plenty of ideas in the head and convert them into tangible formats- paintings, writings, poetries, postcards, photos, manuals, posters – all are in the head. But it’s difficult to do all of that without a sense of security – financial security – which I have killed by my own.
I am a victim of commitment. I find it immensely difficult to give a word to someone and then turn my back at it. However, in the last few years, I have gathered courage to say NO – and I have realized how difficult is it to say no!
My current state of mind is insecure – because this is the time of recession, and I am amongst one of those fools who have resigned – where people are not leaving / are thrown ou of their offices… but I hope there is something good in store for me.
I have still not capitalized in the professional world on the fact that I am a National Winner! And I don’t even feel like…though it has made me a lot more confident as a person. As you must have read somewhere in some earlier post on the blog, I still maintain – ‘Confidence comes only from appreciation by people whom you respect’. And that, i feel, has happened with me.
Questions which kill me everyday are – what do I want to do in my life? And some very personal questions which I will share today are – why are we are part of a locus (the locus of obligations in social life, where the variables are people whom we are connected with, who shape us up!). Is it possible to be out of the locus? Or can we reduce ourselves to a point – a singular point – dimensionless, free to move in any direction, which is individual, which still can form a part of any locus, multifaceted, still single – one? Actally there has to be a separate post to detail this thought. So I will leave it now.
I have for the time being applied to Indian Architect & Builder, as a writer. Waiting for reply. After getting a rejection for the UDRI fellowship, currently, spirits are low. But if this is the kind of time when one reads his/her horoscope, then there are good signals. I want to travel for now, want to be with my self for some time. Think. Sit. Alone.
Many moments gained in the last year, Many lost……which ones? They are hidden in the moments gained itself!
Still, the experiment is not over. And especially, if one does not have the “Aim:” to begin with, what is the sense in the “Procedure:” or should I put it as a rhetoric – is it possible to carry out a procedure without an aim? Well…time will tell. Meanwhile, the procedure can be collected in the memory bag!
I have left my job already. I wanted to explore my life. But I don’t know how. I have many people to meet…those which include film makers, installation artists, visual artists, architects of course…but there is always a kind of hesitation in the head. I don’t know why! Other things are to elaborate the plenty of ideas in the head and convert them into tangible formats- paintings, writings, poetries, postcards, photos, manuals, posters – all are in the head. But it’s difficult to do all of that without a sense of security – financial security – which I have killed by my own.
I am a victim of commitment. I find it immensely difficult to give a word to someone and then turn my back at it. However, in the last few years, I have gathered courage to say NO – and I have realized how difficult is it to say no!
My current state of mind is insecure – because this is the time of recession, and I am amongst one of those fools who have resigned – where people are not leaving / are thrown ou of their offices… but I hope there is something good in store for me.
I have still not capitalized in the professional world on the fact that I am a National Winner! And I don’t even feel like…though it has made me a lot more confident as a person. As you must have read somewhere in some earlier post on the blog, I still maintain – ‘Confidence comes only from appreciation by people whom you respect’. And that, i feel, has happened with me.
Questions which kill me everyday are – what do I want to do in my life? And some very personal questions which I will share today are – why are we are part of a locus (the locus of obligations in social life, where the variables are people whom we are connected with, who shape us up!). Is it possible to be out of the locus? Or can we reduce ourselves to a point – a singular point – dimensionless, free to move in any direction, which is individual, which still can form a part of any locus, multifaceted, still single – one? Actally there has to be a separate post to detail this thought. So I will leave it now.
I have for the time being applied to Indian Architect & Builder, as a writer. Waiting for reply. After getting a rejection for the UDRI fellowship, currently, spirits are low. But if this is the kind of time when one reads his/her horoscope, then there are good signals. I want to travel for now, want to be with my self for some time. Think. Sit. Alone.
Many moments gained in the last year, Many lost……which ones? They are hidden in the moments gained itself!
Still, the experiment is not over. And especially, if one does not have the “Aim:” to begin with, what is the sense in the “Procedure:” or should I put it as a rhetoric – is it possible to carry out a procedure without an aim? Well…time will tell. Meanwhile, the procedure can be collected in the memory bag!
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Anjor Kaaya
Anjor Kaaya is a play put together by Prarambh Performing Arts - an upcoming theatre group which gets together people from different walks of life (me being one of them).
More details: visit http://www.prarambhtheatre.com/
Those interested can watch the play on the 24th and 25th January 2009 at Rangsharda auditorium, Bandra and 31st January 2009 at Sophia’s college auditorium, Peddar road .
brochure design - anuj daga
Friday, December 05, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
on the other side of blasts...
While people are intelligently critiquing about media, journalists, politicians, security, etc. I am completely clueless that how do you put all these comments in a perspective. We are great at criticizing everyone. Criticizing is the easiest thing to do. Most of the times, criticism is not even constructive. Many who criticize do not even have to courage to execute what they believe in. I am in the middle of reading ‘Maximum City’ and was just reading the Salaskar Chapter – and 2 days ago he is already dead. If one reads that book, the perspective towards the 'shahid' changes. I somehow cant put myself back to read the book. I can't sit longer in front of the television – my mind thinks what can I do for now. When I don’t get answers to my current questions, I get back to my normal routine. I do not see the point in wasting time over things I can not resolve. Yes- if I can change, I will change and then talk…
Passing comments is so easy. I don’t even know the entire politics of India! How am I eligible to contribute…am I…should I vote? It seems so silly…Yes, but I will archive all of this. I will record it in my own ways. For myself. This is an experience – not an inclusive, but a distant one…for me, it’s the 1993 attacks…and as I say this, I am not being judgmental about anyone. I am just a spectator.
And so i will talk about the real time things on the other side of the blasts:
Nihara got married today… and it was so exciting to meet friends again – and today, it was Manali and Nivedita who made my day.
We hanged over for some time at Nivedita’s place to see her Pushkar journey. I must say that all these friends have gone so much ahead, I n the way they have started thinking, visualizing, expressing…nivedita’s collection of photographs from Pushkar was amazing…and how beautifully she spoke about its content. I felt ‘preachy’ as I critiqued some of them mildly (I hope you don’t mind nivedita), but she took all of that very positively. Just can’t handle it – after all I am a teacher! And I realized that she is 2 minutes away from my office! Pity! Lost so many immense opportunities to drop in at her place….but hold on…a month is yet to go (I am leaving _opolis in a month). So will try and make most of it.
An hour at the railway station:
As we approached the station in the rickshaw, manali unscrambled. She is working with Nitin Desai – the art director. And we just kept on talking. We missed 7 trains for discussing tremendous things. She briefed me about art direction – the temporariness of sets and the practical considerations. How sets are ideally supposed to be. How technical aspects come into picture. Framing, story boards, content, meaning, ideas, concepts…all of it…I felt so happy that I wanted to jump. Here was a small silent girl, who I thought will be caught up in the chores, following her own passion. What a bang on for her. I have always admired her for her water color skills (and I still feel I must learn from her) – and that she is actually making storyboards. Isn’t it beautiful, when someone realizes what he/she wants to do? I see a satisfaction. I am sure it will happen to me – sometime. Though I am still stuck. I do not know where I am headed. I am exploring. But I will find out some time before I die, what want to do, and will life some moments of satisfaction.
Another thing I deeply feel happy about is that all my friends are so actively doing something – they have ventured into things of their liking. Sets, art direction, theatre, music….I am so happy to have all of them – for they widen my horizon. There is so much still to learn.
And as I say all this, I connect it with my academic pursuits. I feel every student can do something excellent. They need guidance. Proper, patient and potent. That will make a difference. And I don’t know if I must fight if others do not realize it. Because those who I teach are fresh, starting their life (not that I am very old) but I remember that how important it is to affirm their confidence.
There was a meeting to discuss the progress of the students, their fears with architecture a week ago. Indirectly it was pointed out that we (read I) are spoon feeding. But I made a point to correct it saying that there is a very thin line between 'spoon feeding' and 'guiding'. Only because I spend time with the students, especially the weaker ones, doesn’t mean I am spoon feeding them. Well, my ideologies as a teacher are very different. So I do not know how long will I be an academician…but of course, I am exploring it.
Manali and I finally decided to board a train, after chatting for about an hour… she promised me to take to her site at Karjat, and I promised to talk to Prarambhites (theatre people) about involving her with the theatre sets…
There are so many things, talks I would have loved to archive. But after all, a blog is not enough!
Passing comments is so easy. I don’t even know the entire politics of India! How am I eligible to contribute…am I…should I vote? It seems so silly…Yes, but I will archive all of this. I will record it in my own ways. For myself. This is an experience – not an inclusive, but a distant one…for me, it’s the 1993 attacks…and as I say this, I am not being judgmental about anyone. I am just a spectator.
And so i will talk about the real time things on the other side of the blasts:
Nihara got married today… and it was so exciting to meet friends again – and today, it was Manali and Nivedita who made my day.
We hanged over for some time at Nivedita’s place to see her Pushkar journey. I must say that all these friends have gone so much ahead, I n the way they have started thinking, visualizing, expressing…nivedita’s collection of photographs from Pushkar was amazing…and how beautifully she spoke about its content. I felt ‘preachy’ as I critiqued some of them mildly (I hope you don’t mind nivedita), but she took all of that very positively. Just can’t handle it – after all I am a teacher! And I realized that she is 2 minutes away from my office! Pity! Lost so many immense opportunities to drop in at her place….but hold on…a month is yet to go (I am leaving _opolis in a month). So will try and make most of it.
An hour at the railway station:
As we approached the station in the rickshaw, manali unscrambled. She is working with Nitin Desai – the art director. And we just kept on talking. We missed 7 trains for discussing tremendous things. She briefed me about art direction – the temporariness of sets and the practical considerations. How sets are ideally supposed to be. How technical aspects come into picture. Framing, story boards, content, meaning, ideas, concepts…all of it…I felt so happy that I wanted to jump. Here was a small silent girl, who I thought will be caught up in the chores, following her own passion. What a bang on for her. I have always admired her for her water color skills (and I still feel I must learn from her) – and that she is actually making storyboards. Isn’t it beautiful, when someone realizes what he/she wants to do? I see a satisfaction. I am sure it will happen to me – sometime. Though I am still stuck. I do not know where I am headed. I am exploring. But I will find out some time before I die, what want to do, and will life some moments of satisfaction.
Another thing I deeply feel happy about is that all my friends are so actively doing something – they have ventured into things of their liking. Sets, art direction, theatre, music….I am so happy to have all of them – for they widen my horizon. There is so much still to learn.
And as I say all this, I connect it with my academic pursuits. I feel every student can do something excellent. They need guidance. Proper, patient and potent. That will make a difference. And I don’t know if I must fight if others do not realize it. Because those who I teach are fresh, starting their life (not that I am very old) but I remember that how important it is to affirm their confidence.
There was a meeting to discuss the progress of the students, their fears with architecture a week ago. Indirectly it was pointed out that we (read I) are spoon feeding. But I made a point to correct it saying that there is a very thin line between 'spoon feeding' and 'guiding'. Only because I spend time with the students, especially the weaker ones, doesn’t mean I am spoon feeding them. Well, my ideologies as a teacher are very different. So I do not know how long will I be an academician…but of course, I am exploring it.
Manali and I finally decided to board a train, after chatting for about an hour… she promised me to take to her site at Karjat, and I promised to talk to Prarambhites (theatre people) about involving her with the theatre sets…
There are so many things, talks I would have loved to archive. But after all, a blog is not enough!
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