Logo AOA

Today, I stumbled upon the unsubmitted proposal for the new logo of AOA, that I designed 2 years ago. I feel now, it has so much merit and aesthetic. How I wish if this logo would have been posted, and become the emblem of AOA!

anyway, here is it for pleasure. Notice the subtlety and response to original context of the Rachana Logo.
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Thought:

The idea was to create a window frame through which Academy looks out to the world. Window was chosen so as to relate it to an architectural elementThe lower panes of this window were kept closed. . The idea of 'seeing through' a window was abstracted. The repeating As in 'Academy of Architecture' were made similar yet different. As a response to the Rachana logo of the tree, which only has areal roots and the large canopy,  I felt a need to establish the real roots. Subsequently, the graphic abstraction (nolly) of the Rachana Logo was inverted to form the new logo, such that it looks from the same family. The new logo creates an invisible diagram of an 'anchor' through its white space. The anchors relate to the roots.

The symbolic appeal of the created logo as related to closing quotation marks was used on the letter head as the closing marks of a letter, hence placed on the bottom right. Similarly it was placed with the same principle in mind, on the envelope.

All other merchandise responded to the curves and the shapes.

Logo

In colour

Rachana Logo with Proposed AOA logo

Envelop

Letter head

Visiting Card

Looking Around

Four years at AOA - Part 4

As I look back at this journey of my life, I feel I did take initiatives within my scope to bring potential reforms in the school. However very few, or perhaps nothing saw the light of the day. One could count many reasons - ranging from faculties to students to staff. The biggest that I cite is the lack of enough enthusiasm and support from the students. Although there are students who are seriously interested in doing things, their strength is almost dwarfed when a large mass doesnot support them. On multiple occasions, I relied too much on my students to take my ideas further. But I think relying on students in the current scenario is a mistake. I think we must realize that students who come for this course are interested in areas which they don't even know. Some are good in management, some in visual composition, some in arrangement and some in verbal presentation and articulation. We as faculty must identify these student skills and put them to correct use / develop the remaining. But even to this, one has to have student participation. Students have to have the will to do things, to contribute and learn from handling events. They have to have love for their work, space and institution. Above all, they have to have love for the field they have chosen. Varying degrees of such interest affects the quality of final production. But I may be underestimating them - perhaps I expected too much out of them. I am over ambitious. As a student, I took a number of initiatives to organize and participate in events happening at the college.

When students do not see quality production, the standard of what they can themselves achieve goes down. In today's age of the Internet , students seldom go out to exhibition spaces and art galleries to look at ways in which people speak, present and display work. In turn, they are not able to positively contribute ideas towards events that may be organised. Moreover, they also lack innovation. I immensely learnt to speak, think and present in public from the public functions I attended outside of school. Ways of talking, addressing or even responding in public is something the school never really taught me. That I learnt from observation. What I imbibed from my teachers is the attitude of an architect and how to talk about design confidently. 

The second arena was the lack of enthusiasm in faculty. In order to realise programs I wrote multiple concept notes, and ideated things. But all those things could not be realised without a mass faculty support. Thus these ideas remained limited to classroom lectures and smaller class projects. The maximum that I could achieve as a coordinator was to combine, inter relate some subject assignments to increase the production and efficacy of work. For example, I tried to incorporate the process of making the newsletter in graphics class or took up documentation / digitization of study trips in computers class. I hardly saw student initiative to produce work - even when the work timing was limited to class hours. In addition, hegemonic ideas passed on by mediocre seniors about those subjects being redundant affected the seriousness of understanding as well as quantity of production. Students never thought these classes could be effectively used for reflection on their own ways of working and developing their visual communication skills.

Teachers come in with their own set of problems and issues. It is difficult, but may be interesting to map their intentions behind teaching. For most, teaching has become a convenient option to spend time and earn a quick buck. That is why most people opt for a design subject. Crit based evaluation allows them to reduce a design project to a set of dos and donts. What then, must one count as an input in the design course? According to me, a design tutor is supposed to evolve a small idea that a student brings to class using his / her theorectical and practical skills. Theories are important for the designer to understand and develop ways in which they can develop their thinking. Most of our teachers have no idea of theory. Theories from disciplines different from architecture are farfetched to imagine.  Professors of design have to offer students tools of thinking, which I seldom received during my architectural education. If I was to re look at my 5 years of architectural education, I would largely tag myself as 'self taught'. Many a times I have observed that fresh graduates opt for teaching because it is assumably the seat of the intellect. But they seldom contribute to the growth of knowledge. This, they can do by writing, talking and duscussing about architectural issues. Crit based evaluation system flattens the depth of architectural education. I have always remained deeply concerned regarding this.

I thought I would be able to mobilise students using the great internet connectivity that mr. Punde facilitated for us. However it was extremely disappointing to see that there were hardly students responding, participating or using this facility towards their positive development. Since I briefly controlled the AOA E Mail Server admin, I could see the status of usage of each of the members accounts. It was disheartening to find that there were a good amount of students who never even logged in to their accounts. The faculties disregarded this portal and chose to remain archaic. They were not motivated at all to advance.

Multiple forms were sent off at some periods like the Course evaluation form. I developed and refined it from an existing form provided by prof. Punde. Only 180 out of 450 students responded. These instances make me realise failure of the system inspite of hard work and time spent in refining or tightening the system.

I prepared the AOA research fellowship brief, which never saw the light of the day. I don't know what really went wrong. The manifesto I prepared with Atul was never realised since he chose to leave the full time post in the immediate next year. His contributions went down drastically till he finally left this college this year. Subsequently, along with Arjun Sharma, I prepared a research proposal to study the history of Academy of Architecture. We could never really take that project ahead to the next level. I think I realized that it would require a lot of time and effort and doing it without any funding would not be feasible. Lots of such work that was initiated and never saw the light of the day....

Now that I prepare to go for my masters, I am being suggested to look into what my faculties at my new University are doing and whether I find any research parallels to join them. I never saw it happening at Academy. The most public aspect of my being at Academy - the dagagiri blog just remained a passive mirror of sorts that reflected the everyday at AOA. It did not become a discussion space inspite of posting provocative and activist posts. I used to regularly review projects and methodologies over this portal. I wonder if students ever reflected upon their work... All this makes me feel if the architecture audience at Academy is dead...

The streamlined processes of archival were meant for documentation and preservation for knowledge production. I had to struggle a lot to get students contribute equally and with interest. To give an example, marrying machines project was the first student work blog (www.marryingmachines.blogspot.com) Academy ever had. We scanned sheets of documentation work of studies in the city and outside. I got students to start writing a 100 word summary at the end of their projects....many such smaller things were never a part of academy culture.

I recently found myself explaining to a co faculty how academy has still not realised the importance and urgency of investing in a physical as well as virtual archival space. A school's value are its archives. We have absolutely negligible archive mechanisms. Neiher do we have space, nor do we have people who produce good publications.

However, I hope this body of work, this culture of reflection helps me at my graduate school. I am sure to find enthusiastic people at my new school where I can look forward to write, discuss, think, publish, design....and a host of things...I am sure it will be exciting...


END

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POSTSCRIPT:

I carry a heavy burden of AOA. I realise how much I care for the reputation of this school, because I consider myself as a representative of the school. At the same time, this school represents me too. I would like to believe that I studied in an excellent architecture school in india. However, when I look back, I find myself how easily I surpassed the school...how then, must one define this relationship? I tried to pull this elephant, trying to make it stand and race. And I know how much energy I put into it. Sometimes I feel if I only tried a little more, I could have moved this elephant enough to tickle it and make it run. But then it was already time to leave.


I don't know if I will have to start all over again once I come back, or will the elephant have taken a completely new turn. Will this elephant recognize me? Will it listen to me? I have all these insecurities. But I do realize the strong bond that has developed between me and this institution....What is the logical direction this journey will make? This question keeps me occupied and distracted...


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Links to thread
part 1
part 2
part 3

Four years at AOA - Part 3

The entry of Punde was the biggest stir in the history of AOA. I think it could have been the Golden Era of AOA. Infact it was a golden period for one year - only if the students realized the true potential of the reforms Punde envisioned for the school. Punde sir came with a heavy professional mood to AOA and was extremely upset about the loose ways in which administrative affairs were handled in the school. I have listed a big post on the reforms that Mr. Punde tried to bring. But if I was to enlist what I learnt from him, it should be the realization of the potential change professional experience can bring in academic space. Academicians and academic spaces are lousy - at least in our context. I realized how this new principal saw everything in terms of profit and loss - not of money but of values. It was an interesting way to read the success of the college. He was the first one to embrace the fact that Academy was NOT the best college in the country. I liked the way in which he made deals for bringing the best infrastructure to college. He called for quotations, evaluated them against each other, negotiated with agencies - a knowledge that only a seasoned professional could get into academia. Thus, I learnt from him ways in which large systems are to be installed in large setups. It was amazing to learn how he understood demographics of space usage in the building, and rework strategies.

Mr. Punde was such an energetic man that I could hardly cope up with him. Although he included me in the core group for formulation of new agendas and course for the college. He was so intense that later, I stopped attending meetings, because I could simply not see where all of it was going...Although he was very transparent, he maintained certain issues only to himself. It seemed he was holding a huge storm...I think unless I had a professional setup, I would not get the robustness that he had. That is required for an institution like ours.

Thus it was under him that I was appointed as a member of the Library Committee. In the first round, after a lot of struggle, we were able to order for the most up to date books for our library. Some of the most urgent books on theory were ordered for the students. I strove hard to get the books organized - in their right cupboards. I took a separate initiative to get back all the lost dissertations in the library. I prepared a letter, addressed to the alumni, got their addresses from the official records. The librarian, whose responsibility should have been to follow up with this never took any initiative. The library / librarian politics of our college is phenomenal. However, on the other hand, I got key reference books digitized - something that every library should be heavily investing in.

Inspite of all my efforts, the library remains unchanged. It will be ironical to reveal that my own dissertation remains invisible at the library.

I tried hard to bring some graphic design changes to the way in which attendance sheets, marking sheets etc are prepared in our school. We changed from legal size A4 paper to A4. I struggled to change portrait format to landscape so that students get more horizontal space to sign. I insisted on using Arial instead of Times New Roman. The normal font size was reduced to 10 from 12. Time tables of all years were compiled on one single A3 sheet for comparative study and printing (instead of separate A4s). Blaring big stickers on registers, files and cupboards were replaced by small font labels. There are countless such changes which go overlooked. I can not recount them myself. I was just pained to see no sense of design in a design school.

Bureaucratic officials do not understand the importance of graphic design. They do not have the intellect to think  about such issues. And when there is systemic hierarchy, it is even more difficult to establish new changes. I think above changes will be lost to the older version soon, over time, if no one is conscientious enough about it, or does not monitor it.

I was coordinating with numerous other people over the year for competitions, study tours and other such peripheral issues. There were hardly people who helped, or were interested in all such activities of the college.

proceed to part 4


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part 1
part 2
part 4

Four Years at AOA - Part 2

As mentioned in the earlier post, Atul and I chalked out a manifesto for AOA. Today, I realize that this manifesto was actually a circle of thoughts that Atul and I contrastingly thought of. Atul had a heavy hang over of AA school of thought and I had a heavy hangover of KRVIA thought. Both these thoughts dealt with theorizing the idea of 'context'. Our basic manifesto was formed of our understanding of the idea of context from dual view points. Here is an excerpt:

"

a manifesto for academy:

“Context is the problem”

We aim at creating an integrated design environment which places itself between the realms of context and decontext. While we understand that architectural manifestations have to constantly respond to their surroundings, we realize that the environment is constantly changing. Architecture can contribute to such change, primarily through its physical being, and adapting to its surroundings through a constant inquiry into the changing environment.

Context

Context is the surroundings, circumstances, environment, background, or settings which determine, specify, or clarify the meaning of an event.

We realize that architecture must inform other disciplines while also adopting from them, towards building a holistic environment. Context makes us aware that we live in a system, and we all are parasites. The interdependence is what the society survives on. Therefore, it is extremely important to understand what context we live in, to be able to intervene into it. We have to constantly ask fresh questions to debate the relevance of a context, and its mutilation.

Contextual approaches are therefore top down approaches where there are already limited set of parameters which address the function of a programme. Recently, the term ‘function’ has been alternated by ‘performance’ which looks at programme as evolutionary rather than static. It is therefore important to arrive at the idea of de-context.

Decontext

In bottom up approaches, parameters for design are infinite. This not only throws new possibilities of imagining future roles of the profession of architecture, but keeps reminding that change is constant, and change has to be followed. De contextualization is not thinking without context, but thinking beyond context. De contextualization is also about thinking newer contexts.

"

Adarkar sir always supported ideas coming from young minds and encouraged our enthusiasm. We were to keep in mind this framework while we designed program briefs and events at AOA. We had long term ideas about how we wished to structure the new wing at AOA. It was roughly as ideated below:

YEAR	I	II	III	IV	V
Part 1 / context	Representation	Semantics and Semiotics			DESIGN THESIS
Part 2 / decontext			Structure and Framework	Research Methods

Adarkar sir was too close to the management to fuel radical change of thoughts in the system. However, he always tried to balance the situation by some middle ground solution tactic. He gave us a lot of freedom to design courses, programs and events. He offered to us his excellent contacts and made sure to introduce us to the biggest of people he knew. He had a lot of faith in us and he would never appoint any faculty without discussing with us. 

From Adarkar Sir, I understood the politics of not only AOA, but also the entire academic scene. I was very naive at all this and hardly took interest in all such matters. My inclination was teaching and I invested maximum time in reading, and discussion and synthesizing my own notes.  Perhaps, I realized that this politics was affecting me too - in the way i was working and the way I was being used. I had to keep myself aware of it so that I take measured action. (Perhaps this is how enthusiastic people set boundaries of operation for themselves). My biggest technique was to keep away from all this, keep restricted to my work and being closer to the students. But this technique does not necessarily help. I shall explain this later as I summarize my experiences of interaction with students. 

Talking to Adarkar Sir was always joyous. He was a repository of experiences. Adarkar sir would recount his old days in  which were emebedded images of the old city, old ways of working and old value systems. I always wondered how his value systems didnot cause any friction with newer generations. He accepted changes and mixed up with students so well. Initially I would get disturbed with differing value systems of different students and it would make me very unhappy. I learnt from Adarkar sir to maintain a distance, yet involve with students. The biggest learning from him that I shall carry with my for my life is the way to talk to people. He had a way of charming people and getting them on board even if they had the busiest of schedules. He approached people with abundant warmth and affection. He would never let you go without a cup of tea. I think Academy is unique because of its warmth. This warmth comes from people like Mr. Adarkar. People smile at you, inspite of all resentment you have for them. They do your work, even if they hate your methodologies. I think dealing with all that was a big learning towards my professional development.

I also learnt day to day administration techniques and academic chores from Adarkar Sir. Preparing, moderating and releasing results were the most important learnings. In the beginning I had no skills to negotiate peoples' schedules to suit ours (while preparing time tables). It is from Adarkar Sir that I learnt how one can persuade people to work with you. On the other hand, I also learnt how to politely decline, reject or make an offer inviting. I  learnt to some extent how to deal with awkward and embarrassing situations that get created when you are dealing too many subjects and too many people. I learnt from him to be responsible about small things during seminars, events and presentations. I believe he taught me the most and gave me a lot of confidence just by having faith in me and my beliefs.

During this phase, we undertook the task of preparing Reading Lists,Preparing Book Lists for library, Making course structures, etc. I had to run a lot during this phase since Academy had a dearth of faculty and there was no one to teach basic things to students. I almost over taught and exhausted myself. I didnot receive enough support from my colleagues to realise course structure booklet for Academy of Architecture. Their inputs were regulated by the money they were offered and the time mentioned on their contract letters. None of them prepared for classes - they took subjects which assumably require no preparation. People prefer to take up design subjects only because they can easily get away with talking generic non sense. Its about realizing a drawing into a building. 

I was extremely ambitious about my first batch as a class coordinator. I wanted them to become the best students in the history of AOA - rigorous, dedicated and serious people. Two years down the line, I feel having ambitions with students is a silly thought. Students have different priorities and ambitions with their own lives.

As an academic, I maintained two essential practices - the first of writing reviews for projects and subsequently evaluating project success. The second was archiving student works. Over the last two years, I tested multiple systems of archival - collecting Cds, uploading on a server, emailing to blog, etc. All work in various ways and all can be equally efficient. It's only the will of students that makes any of the archival systems successful.

It is here that I must introduce the next entry in the AOA history - Mr. Ravindra Punde. I do remember my first interaction with Prof. Punde. He must have seen me having an animated critique session with my students in a design class. I don't remember how our interactions grew.

proceed to part 3



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part 1

part 3

part 4

Four Years at AOA - Part 1

As I begin to depart briefly from the academia here in India, I feel it's important that I summarize the last four years I spent in teaching. This post is essentially a crib post, since very little of what I actually tried to do was realized. Perhaps this post will be constructed in parts over the next two months, eventually trying to crystallize my teaching method and theoretical stance on architectural subjects. How has it developed and how has it changed. I want to be able to make these set of writings as a springing point for my post graduate study. Hence, I feel intensive reflection and discussion will help. At the same time, I want to locate problem areas (within the scope of my academic space - Academy of Architecture), extrapolating it to certain generic patterns of academic environment that has emerged recently. 

It may be difficult to be chronological, since these are glimpses of memory, flashes of instances and triggers of thoughts. I am only trying to stitch a narrative. A lot of work and commentary can be found on the posts tagged 'academics' on this blog. I will try to remain consistent with the thoughts that I have raised earlier. However, I may be wavering, since this post is intended as a reflection, and I assume to have collected some wisdom over the last four years in the area of teaching and pedagogy. 

I joined Academy of Architecture on the invitation of Mr. Arvind Adarkar, being recommended by Dushyant (Desai). Dushyant was fascinated with my thesis and thought I would be an interesting addition to his team. I was always interested in coming back to college and interacting with my peers. I was interested in discussion of ideas, debating architectural issues and thinking design. I quickly joined in, along with my classmate Dhaval. In the league of Dushyant, our team initiated projects that were conceptually difficult for first year students to undertake. We experimented with different forms of media and representation. It was difficult to keep pace with Dushyant's philosophical discourses. We (the faculty) debated, discussed and there were lots of intense sessions. It was enjoyable.

Dushyant left by the next year and I tried to immerse myself more with the school. I started taking Graphics lectures for first year students.  This was the time when thoughts of bringing serious changes came into my mind. Apart from learning technical drawing skills, I didnot understand what 'graphical' did graphics teach. Occassionally I would ask students to go beyond what was asked for and excite them by giving small trivia in class. Those who would finish first would get an additional trick question. Some students enjoyed. But this soon died out since other faculties weren't interested and their ideas of graphics or graphical composition were ages old. In architectural design, I took this time to unwind myself from the Dushyant hangover. I had found myself immensely stuck in his philosophical methodology, which for me, didnot work for several reasons. It was too philosophical for me (as well as the students) to be translated into a design project. At many instances, it was forced and was the faculty's project more than the students'.

Unwinding partly became possible because of 2 primary reasons: my research fellowship and working with Rupali (Gupte). Basically teaching at Kamla Raheja introduced me to working with a METHOD. In the process of my fellowship research, the mechanics of a "METHOD" clarified further. I realised that methods make the design output predictable to a large extent. Thus students can be pushed to experimenting with different methodologies to bring out newer concepts. With Rupali, I learnt how representation affects our understanding of space and how it is important to perfect representation before spaces are intervened in. Kamla Raheja's methodical approaches made me challenge Dushyant's philosophical ones. I realized how theories translate into space. Interacting with Rohan (Shivkumar) and all my colleagues at KRVIA helped me understand the relevance of theory. The idea of formation of methodology occurred through the pursuit of my Research fellowship. Here, I learnt to develop a 'research framework' for analysis, method of argument and structuring a paper. Thus, the fellowship enabled me to become more independent and think on my own.

Unfortunately, I was not able to continue at KRVIA due to logistical reasons. At the same time, there also seemed no options that KRVIA could make space for me. This was the time when I expected I would go for my masters. However, luck didnot favour and all projects I was involved in were stalled. It was economic recession and I was pressed to make a decision between practice and academia. The decision was hard since I would have ideally liked to teach at KRVIA - I knew I could learn so much more by being in that environment. At the same time, it wasn't logistically feasible unless I took up a permanent job. A sudden opportunity broke open at Academy. I was invited again, this time by Adarkar Sir to take up a permanent position for the new wing of AOA that was entering in its second year. They required permanent staff and I took it up. Frankly, it wasn't a job I readily took up, since it wasnt my first choice. I knew the visionless state of the institution and I knew I would have to deal with much difficult people. But I don't think there would have been any better option available to me at that point of time. I was too egoist to discuss these things with my colleagues at KRVIA. And I also realised that they were looking for a more permanent person who could stick along with them, in case they were to open to me a full time post. I knew I had to go for my masters.

I think that was a difficult phase. But I saw an opportunity to set the tone for the new wing of AOA based on rigorous dialogue, thinking and departure from the old programs we did in design. In this journey, my closest companion was Atul Mhatre. Atul had just flown down from London, after finishing his masters in Architectural Association. Atul too was in line with what I learnt as a 'methodical approach' at KRVIA. This boosted the way in which we designed programs. We understood each others' ideas, and we being classmates, understood each others' strengths and weaknesses. Thus we worked as quite an efficient team. Atul too was interested in theory and AA had prepared with with a lot of reading. We occasionally would share a lot of ideas and churned out lots of thoughts for events, programs and seminars for AOA. However, Atul was too busy setting up his own architectural practice during this period. It only revealed to me gradually over the year that probably, he just used the academic space as a buffer to bridge his comeback from AA to setting up his practice here. This full time job, which demanded him to spend only half his day in the school was used as an opportunity for him  to dedicate a time to his fledgling practice. 

Atul's contribution in the administrative affairs was minimal. He did not carry forward an idea he would initiate to its logical execution. He was extremely sophisticated and did not let us know whether he was really interested in pursuing a career in academics. Although he called himself an academician, he seldom contributed to the discourse of architecture in the form of writing or presenting his work. Although, he was extremely informed, too refined and too teacher like. But Atul also oriented me to tackling students issues in a more systematic manner. For the first time, on learning from Atul's experiences at AA, we conducted a Mid term Review. This review was meant to make students conscious of their progress taking into consideration their performance in academics, addressing their strengths and weaknesses and giving them a clear direction to improve their performance. We followed up this method and it seemed to be quite beneficial. Atul  made me realize the importance of written communication, like Charles Correa would also suggest subsequently. He taught me how to deal with students' personal issues professionally. I was quite an emotional guy without the intervention of Atul. I shall always respect him for that.

We prepared an ambitious manifesto for AOA and presented it to the Principal - Mr. Arvind Adarkar. It shall be the right time to turn to Part II of this post and talk about the next important person in my academic life - Prof. Adarkar.

proceed to Part 2

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part 2
part 3

part 4

Aross the railway tracks

Plant Moods

Do plants have moods? Have you ever felt of a fallen flower trying to make a conversation with you? I found this flower on the pavements of Marine Drive and picked it up. As I walked along with it, people stared at the flower. I yet did not know if it was a flower. I picked it up because it looked like a snake. A snake which I could domesticate. It had a large head and a long pink tongue. It's mouth was wide open and the tongue stuck out of it. It seemed to smile, but I wondered if it did so. But as I began to look at the flower through the lens, it told me multiple stories. 

Naughty

Playful

Obedient

Lazy

Pose / Portraiture

Sleeping

Snoring

Smiling

?

The feeling of restlessness

I have yet not begun counting my days towards my journey to US. I feel trapped in a time bubble. The time bubble is something that distorts the relative experience I have with the outside world. This period makes me feel I am not moving at all. I feel what a floating bubble would feel in air - where it constantly negates any reference with the moving world. The bubble waits to burst to take in more air, to lose itself... Similarly, there's a momentum frozen within, waiting to explode.

I have lost any experience of the outside world. I have lost any sense of time and space. I have forgotten mathematics, I have not counted minutes for a long time now. I do not know when the new day begins - I stare at the watch for hours to feel no change in time. I can not feel the time biologically. 

My every day schedule too has become amorphous. I wonder if I operated similarly some days before. Yesterday when I went to get some pages binded, I had 5 sets for which the shop keeper quoted Rs. 15/- per set. I wanted to bargain to lower the price - and combined 5 sets into 4 and told him to charge me Rs. 60/- for 4 sets. He agreed and I felt I made a good deal. Calculating the cost of per binding today, I still arrived at a figure of 15/-! What does such an act reveal of my mental condition?

Was I was completely lost? What was happening?

There are so many things in the head. Is it accumulated energy or is it apprehension? Is it fear or is it excitement? Am I being prepared or am I over-preparing? I do not understand what is happening to me. I feel like my bones are pushing my body - I keep stretching my muscles. Do I want to grow out of myself? I do not react to movement in the city. I do not react to the change in my everyday. Is it anxiety? 

But I do know I have felt this earlier. Similar impatience, restlessness. It was when I decided that I wanted to do architecture. I waited to finish my 12th studies as soon as possible. I was so hungry to consume architecture. I remember ranked 6th in the merit list for Academy of Architecture. I waited impatiently to begin my new world then. It's similar now. 

I had said this earlier over my blog - "winning after a lot of hard work is a great feeling". Two years ago I was rejected in all colleges I applied to. This year, I got selected in a University (Yale), the best in the world and the field of theory that I applied for, that rejects 90% of the applications it receives, further, for a course which admits only 3, maximum 4 people over the world - and I just don't know how to express this feeling. Perhaps expressing this is a difficult thing. But I am not trying to be boastful. If it reads that way, it's only because I just do not know how else to express it. It has raised my expectations of myself altogether. And I am not sure if I will be able to cope up with it. I think I am worried.

I am worried to be floating, to have lost my referentiality. I am struggling to frame sentences. I cant frame it through conventional language. I often gaze at the sugarcane crushing machine and wonder about the biography of the sugarcane. I can feel myself between the two cylinders. And I would also like to believe that the result would be sweet.

Drawing Boards

It may be possible to understand imaginations that go within students' heads as they work on their drawing boards.
Here are a few selected drawings, doodles, captions, messages, notes on drawing boards. A more detailed post must be awaited till I find some better pictures.