Insistence on being certain?

I have let it sink in…may be…

My biggest complaint with Correa was that he claimed to give me the award only because of benefit of doubt. He should not have given the award to me if that was the case. That’s why the status onthe facebook. On the other hand, i wonder if a person like him too feels that ‚teaching‘, ‚writing‘ and criticism are for wanderers. They are ‚some‘ jobs, and not as specific as ‚architecture‘. What i also wondered was that if he too was as narrow minded to think of an architect as a person who would, or rather should ‚build‘. The other argument which would favour him was that if i had gone to him, it better be for an architectural criticism and not for a ,flowery‘ word talk. Agreed. But one can always enjoy the spirit of the subject.

The meet reminded me of the book Haroun and the Sea of Stories, where the protagonist’s father is a story teller. I wonder if story tellers are useless people? Is writing or teaching an abstruse profession? Why do educated people look down upon such fields? It also reminds me, in a bitter way, what George Bernard Shaw said, „Those who can do nothing, teach, those who can not teach, write“. While the shade in which he must have written may be sarcastically poking or legitimizing his own profession, it definitely pricks when others use it in a poky fashion.

What does one do, if one finds his niche at a very late stage in life? In the process of finding ones calling, one may end up involving himself or herself in a completely different course of study. But having completed it, does one become bound to follow it or practice it the rest of his or her life? Does an educated society fail to understand the confusion within a young mind? Can an educated person like Correa not address the confusion of a young mind instead of riduculing it?

Confusion has allowed me only to ask more questions. These questions generate a thirst for answers. Hence i write. I write in order to detail my questions to an extent that they resolve themselves as rhetorics. This endsup in my writings. I like writing. I like teaching because i am able to discuss my confusion with others. Many times, these discussions take artistic forms : architectural manifestations or artistic drawings. Such confusion existed in my thesis too. But is it really bad? Something to feel so worse for? Again i am raising questions, and i guess, most of my sentences end in question marks! Thats not good though, is it?

This constant conflict to take a stand and move on is irritating. Life is not worth it. One misses so many moments in this silly confusion. But may be, it has allowed me to be more sympathetic towards others who are not able to decide and humble towards the smallest of jobs. After all, who knows, i may end my life just as a story teller or a typist!