Two things that have subconsciously held me back from doing a lot of things that I would have liked to do are issues of space and lack of company. I have only come to realise about these two now - wonder why?
The issue of space clearey appeared to me when I realized how one of my professors invested in physical books. Involuntarily I asked him - where do you store them? But this question was in disguise an answer to my lack of productivity. Why don't I produce - physical models, installations, objects, craft - all things that I once engaged in so deeply, to an extent where this physical engagement with material and the skill to handle it gave me he confidence to pursue architecture. The answer is the limitation of space. If only i had the space to store books, the models, craft objects, installations that i made, would there be a drivr to create. Creativity is always physical - since you create. could one of the reasons for my switch over to a 'person of ideas' be because of the lack of physical space!? The space of ideas and the mind is limitless. It allows you to record, preserve and maintain your thoughts without external interference or objection.
My mother is always worried of storage - of all sorts of things that make up her domestic life, her dwelling. Her insecurity with this limited shrinking physical space has subconsciously taken over me. To avoid disturbances in the physical setting of my home, I have almost stopped te process of real creation. I donot like to discard my creations. I preserve them because they inspire me to make more. Logically this chain would result into accumulation of more and more physical stuff. I donot have any space to store them. Neither does my family understand my need to create an nor do they encourage me to make, since things that I make would occupy space. I shall have to soon find a way to overcome this nonforceful hegemony.
In the recent days I realized that while i went for so many talks, discussions, seminars in the past, those have reduced to barely a few now. Thinking over it, what makes the idea of attending academic events boring in the first place is the lack of company now. Earlier i had a group of friend amongst whom, someone or the other would be willing to join or vice versa. Gradually we started dispersing. After graduation, close friends went on to study abdoad, some got married, some got busy wih their jobs....this issue seemed to resolve itself when I made new friends with whom i almost set a new culture of engagement. Soon, they also moved away - for studies, work or found partners. Prasad shetty keeps pointing out very correctly perhaps - "he needs a partner". Sometimes I like to doubt him, but i know he is probably right. I have not being going out since i do not have any company to go out with, further i donot have people who share my kind of temperament to discuss my ideas wih. This has started having conssquences on my space of ideas too...
With shrinking physical and intellectual space, I feel choked. I must resolve these issues and come to a middle ground solution soon which shall free me of these things that are pulling me back. I must grow, only because I can. And i must find alternatives of growing too.
The issue of space clearey appeared to me when I realized how one of my professors invested in physical books. Involuntarily I asked him - where do you store them? But this question was in disguise an answer to my lack of productivity. Why don't I produce - physical models, installations, objects, craft - all things that I once engaged in so deeply, to an extent where this physical engagement with material and the skill to handle it gave me he confidence to pursue architecture. The answer is the limitation of space. If only i had the space to store books, the models, craft objects, installations that i made, would there be a drivr to create. Creativity is always physical - since you create. could one of the reasons for my switch over to a 'person of ideas' be because of the lack of physical space!? The space of ideas and the mind is limitless. It allows you to record, preserve and maintain your thoughts without external interference or objection.
My mother is always worried of storage - of all sorts of things that make up her domestic life, her dwelling. Her insecurity with this limited shrinking physical space has subconsciously taken over me. To avoid disturbances in the physical setting of my home, I have almost stopped te process of real creation. I donot like to discard my creations. I preserve them because they inspire me to make more. Logically this chain would result into accumulation of more and more physical stuff. I donot have any space to store them. Neither does my family understand my need to create an nor do they encourage me to make, since things that I make would occupy space. I shall have to soon find a way to overcome this nonforceful hegemony.
In the recent days I realized that while i went for so many talks, discussions, seminars in the past, those have reduced to barely a few now. Thinking over it, what makes the idea of attending academic events boring in the first place is the lack of company now. Earlier i had a group of friend amongst whom, someone or the other would be willing to join or vice versa. Gradually we started dispersing. After graduation, close friends went on to study abdoad, some got married, some got busy wih their jobs....this issue seemed to resolve itself when I made new friends with whom i almost set a new culture of engagement. Soon, they also moved away - for studies, work or found partners. Prasad shetty keeps pointing out very correctly perhaps - "he needs a partner". Sometimes I like to doubt him, but i know he is probably right. I have not being going out since i do not have any company to go out with, further i donot have people who share my kind of temperament to discuss my ideas wih. This has started having conssquences on my space of ideas too...
With shrinking physical and intellectual space, I feel choked. I must resolve these issues and come to a middle ground solution soon which shall free me of these things that are pulling me back. I must grow, only because I can. And i must find alternatives of growing too.
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