The Da Vinci Code

I have never read a book so passionately…and especially considering that I took 3 years to read fountainhead….i finished da vinci code in just less than 3 weeks!

What was gripping about the book was the way it used story to leak out the hidden secrets in symbology! While the first half of the story is very informative, the second part is very filmy! It’s easier to hide identities of people in a book than in a film…still after reading the book, I felt like I must watch the film. Because symbology is to be understood by seeing….and not only by imagining…

One wonders that how exciting can the life of sophie be…imagine solving puzzles to get a birthday gift….wow! I would love to do it. Imagine making those tricky puzzles, making treasure hunts…that was the strength of the story. The entire book was a puzzle book, and hence it set my pulse racing….

The prime thing is that the book raises questions (for me it was the first which questioned Jesus’s virginity!) and then there is so much so symbology around us…we don’t even understand it…that is when one feels at loss of knowledge.

Then and Now

those mornings...
standing at the foot board of the local train
with earphones plugged in
the soft air gushing against the eyes
compelling them to close
and concentrate on the music...

these mornings
standing at the foot board of the local train
with people pushing in
the stale air in the compartment
making it difficult to breathe
and get out of the crowd!

Ego

Today I skipped my lunch in order to complete drawings to be handed over to the contractors. I was actually refrained by sonal until I completed the drawings. It was evident that she had her own ego behind that!

I simply obiliged.

But what I understood that the Gandhian philosophy does work. After having her lunch, she came to me and told me to have my lunch and then resume. Then there was my ego at work! I told sonal that I didn’t mind having my lunch later.

But what is interesting that both of us had egos…right in their own place. Earlier, she felt that I would wait and later I wanted to prove that I can wait.

The best part was I think that both of us realized our mistakes…she felt she should not have stopped me and I felt that I must have completed my work before!

Ego is a double edged sword – once you know how to use it, it can take you so high, but at the same time, it may destroy you completely.

Discovering life...

There are some people who I would never like to tell that i joined back _opolis. I have passed two weeks after rejoining and still not doing any concrete kind of work!
Sometimes its disgusting to just sit and stare at the computer screen. You can’t even read books though they are in front of you only because you will be labelled as 'sitting idle'. I am sure that my bosses know that they are underusing me. Perhaps that the case with everyone over here. You can’t even give some time to your personal hobbies or projects if you have any. You are so badly slaughtered between the family and office. The family pressurizes to have a fixed job - which is a fixed source of income. On the other hand, you know that you have far more potential and you are just wasting your time. But hold on - there may be the little tidbits of the industry that needs to be learnt. But how long must you wait to learn the smaller things? I wonder if I can ever learn something by myself. Something that is just my finding...that is my thought...

We always know that there are better opportunities. But are we 'bindass' enough to leave our current jobs and keep running behind the opportunities? Are opportunities supposed to come to us or are we supposed to tap on opportunities. Both these questions have different approaches. These approaches will shape our lives differently. One leads to personal satisfaction and the other leads to social security. There are two fronts - personal and the obligatory social. Which one to follow - where to go?

Are we bold enough to follow our own mind. Are we independent enough to sustain on our own? Are we responsible enough? Do we dare enough to leave the society behind? I have plenty of questions, plenty of answers, and the world to observe...

Sometimes, horoscopes can read your mind!

What makes me write this piece of blog is my today’s horoscope, which reads:

“Part of you wants to sell out and blend in because it’s painful not to be fully appreciated. Give the rest of the world more time to notice you. Amplify your weirdness and keep going.”
-Dr. Prem Kumar Sharma, HT

That is what I have been thinking about since the last 9 days. I do not know if people can really gauge the happiness that I have got in completing my course. I mean…c’mon…I have finished five long years of a course, which was so hectic, different and laborious. Architecture IS a difficult course. And a very few people, perhaps, realize that. That is why there is such a thanda response from people around. No one asks me about how it was to study a course (completely different from the rest in my family) in the past five years. Neither are they interested in what I am planning to do further. No one appreciates the fact that I attempted a project in my final year that virtually seemed impossible…perhaps they do not value anything that I did in the past two years.

However, one can at least value the fact that I have virtually completed my graduation. I think it’s a big thing. I will get a degree in my hand soon (hopefully)…I don’t know why no one has been talking about any of the things which I want people to discus about…all this puts me off…

I wanted to jump, shout, laugh…after my jury. But my jury itself was so low-key and so thanda, that I felt I had made another ‘naturopathy centre’. At that time, I felt, it’s better than answering those toilet-parapet questions. But then the jury was not exciting, I feel now. It did not appreciate the questions I raised. Nor did it fully appreciate the design…the discussion was so hanky panky…I think I am not able to tell it in writing…it was not worth the two years of hardwork…on a subject like mine…I should have made a naturopathy centre…

I may say to people that I had a good jury, but that is looking at it from another perspective…where you don’t get those midgets to talk about a good project. Let me, for the first time confess – “Yes, I did a good and a different project”. This comes at a time when I have given my jury. And the bigger thing is that it comes from me. I have never uttered these words during the course of my research. So you think what’s the deal if you already know that you are good… I say what’s the goodness which is only known to you? Confidence comes from appreciation by people whom you respect. That is what I strongly believe. This thought is killing me…because I don’t think that has happened. Appreciation from friends is a different thing…they will always appreciate you. There are only some friends who will honestly tell you what they think about your work. That is why I like Atul’s comments. Others are just diplomatic. Diplomatic to the core. I don’t really like such people. The worst part is that in groups of such people, you too have to be diplomatic. I used to hate being diplomatic until the 2nd year…and therefore people used to hate me…I mean my classmates. I started learning to be diplomatic from the 3rd year…but then onwards, I never really spoke what I really felt about anything…my words were always sugarcoated. But diplomacy taught me one thing…nothing is bad, there is a good side to everything. And one must always be constructive in one’s criticism.

There will be a lot of people who will try to point out your mistakes. They would not try to find out any opportunity in the mistake. That is the catch. Every mistake, I feel has an opportunity to learn. That’s what I tried to point out when people came to me. Our problem is that we do not question at all. Perhaps, if I may say, I tried to raise questions within people’s minds – it includes my guide Padma Desai too.

Well, I may be preachy by now. But one can appreciate oneself. Especially when others around are not acknowledging the fact of good work. Going back to my thesis, I don’t really care, even if I get a pass class...because I don’t think any one understands fully what I have gone through the last two years…and can any one imagine a year without peaceful sleep?…never mind – I appreciate my own self! I don’t think there is any other option than to boost oneself…

A hundred more things in my mind…but to word them all and to read it will become boring…this frustration will either percolate partly in each blog or might just heal as time passes by…

Acknowledgements II (part I in dissertation)

Now this is very weird! When you don’t have time at all, you feel like you must blog…and when you have loads of time in your hand, you feel that you must sit idling…but today I have decided that I must upgrade my blog. There have been a couple of things, which I have to write about, perhaps, this may not contain everything. Therefore, this will be just tidbits of the past few weeks that have been spent laboriously completing my thesis.

I think this blog must be decdicated to all those people who play a role in my thesis, post my dissertation was printed, as these names would not occur in my dissertation.

Firstly, I must mention Ushma Mehta, my senior, whom I helped last year. She has so beautifully reciprocated the deed of help that I can not put in words. She gave the final 6 hours (or more) to my site model to make it look presentable. Not only that, even the next day, she called me up to asked if there was any help needed. Luckily, I had my other friends out there…my juniors…Beverly was quick and she did a considerable amount of work in a short time. She was good at understanding my design and hence could do a lot of work without me explaining much of it. Both Ushma and Beverly were working together as I was guiding them and they just made the model start going. Beverly could not make the next day. However, Nandita Rebello, again from second year, came for very little time. She came in when I was at the plotter’s. Hence, I gave her instructions on the phone and she carried out the task very neatly. Though she cut a part of one of my site for her stuff and stuck the ‘wrong side up’, I think, that was tolerable.

That day, Gauri from fouth year came as a surprise. She came along with Nihara, whom I had asked for help a few days ago. Swapnil came as a magic wand. While I was waiting at the plotter’s, he suggested that he would get all the sheets to my place and told me, Nihara and Gauri to carry on. This saved me a lot of time. As we reached home, Nahdita was about to leave in half an hour. Nihara, Gauri and me took over. They allowed me to take a nap of half an hour. They kept working quietly, but slowly. Gauri too had to leave in some time. By the time, Swapnil got the plots at home. I made a quick look at the plots and kept them safe inside. One of the plots was spoilt, which I told shilpa to replot.

Gauri had to leav within some time.Nihara was there with me till late. Swapnil too joined me later at 8. he helped me with the trees. The look absolutely beautiful. Swapnil also put the trees in my design on the site model. Nihara was slow, but when i started pushing her, she did many small works. She gave me the idea to call Shraddha the next day. I called her up and she was most ready to come home. Swap and nihara went home by 11.30 pm.

The next day, Shraddha came exactly by 2 pm – as decided. Then, there was no turning back. I asked her – what time she has to be back home. And her reply, was the most soothing and satisfying answer, I ever got. She said, “When you are done with your work, then I will go home.” This meant a lot to me. At a time when I would have just sat and spent all time worrying what and how to do, she lent me all her support – not only in terms of physical, but in terms of moral too. She kept working with me until seven the next morning, and I deeply regret that I could not even drop her at her place, because my car was full of models…

I have developed a deep respect for all people mentioned above. They have stood by me at time when my task seemed unmanageable. Moreover, I respect and thank all of them – respect for their help and thankfulness for conveying their friendship. I think I must also thank God for putting everything in place. It seemed that things just happened in the right time. No one said ‘no’ to me for help. There was someone or the other in the last 5 days at home. Though I was tensed, people placated me. It was restlessness…to complete, to get done. And that restlessness can not be explained. Perhaps, everyone who came to help me could see that within me. I don’t think I was patient with my actions…but I was still trying to keep my cool. I hope I was fair to everyone. And if I was not, then I ask for forgiveness. And all you guys, pleas never forget me when you are in need of help. I will try my best to deliver any kind of help that may be possible.

Thanks again. All the best.

15 days to go...

Ahahha….now I feel satisfied…

Once your design has been done and you are making the final drawings, it’s pure excitement and satisfaction that drives you till the end. I feel satisfied today…after over a year…and by mistake extended my afternoon nap!

Got up, had washed my face….then just kept looking at the mirror…the beard had grown more than usual….got a shave after a fortnight…
As I write this mail, the planes of the paper on the computer screen keep swirling….bye guys, have to still do the final touches of the 3d on sketch up!

Passing thoughts...

I wonder, in times of crisis, we become so dependent on our near and dear ones. Earlier, it was parents who were those whom we depended upon. In recent times, it’s friends. Now there are two aspects to it – one is the duration of crisis, and second is that how much are you dependent on them.

But while seeking help from friends we sometimes forget that we start losing our own confidence levels. Further, their surrendered support becomes our spine for taking every next step that we schedule. One question is how does one realize this? Generally it happens that you do not realize how much you are bothering them – that’s because good friends don’t let you feel your dependence on them. But I wonder if they are really doing a favour by doing that – because in one sense, they are only making you weak. One needs moral support during times of crisis. But what must be the form of this moral support? Physical presence, words of inspiration, positive outlooks…what? Physical presence, I feel is the best form of expressing one’s support for the other. That is why perhaps, husbands and wives feel worthy of each other, because they feel that they would help each other in bad times. In other words, such kind of support exists in a bonded/committed relationship.

Words of inspiration on the other hand are important in an intermittent kind of relation. Such matters are liable to comparison. One can take inspiration in two ways – looking at the good work of others or by learning from the bad work of others. One gets inspired to do “as good as” the best or “better than” the bad. While those were the practical derivations of inspiration, words of inspiration may also come from philosophy. Philosophical thoughts most of the times give strength, and also save one even during failures. But ultimately, philosophy is what takes the form of a positive outlook. There is a philosophy existing in the world which will make you feel happy and worthy of yourself in any time of your life. But the above two things are much sought after things from friends in times of crisis.

On a different note, a friendship becomes vulnerable during times of crisis. The amount of support that you get from cronies during tough times strengthens your trust into them. Friends, who understand this fact, sometimes may even lie or hide about the shortcomings of those in trouble. They may build up hollow words of praise or even show others down to build up confidence in you. Now, of course, that is for a good motive and perhaps they don’t even really mean all that. But then, is this ethical? Should a person not be honest about his/her opinions even in times of crisis and show the ground reality to their troubled associates? The predicament is that if they take such a step, it’s only a rift that they may create in their friendship. Our minds start thinking very binarily during times of crisis and we tend to make things easy for us by segregating them into – good or bad, positive or negative, happening or not happening…we may create a lot of fuss and confusions with our good friends if we get into all that if their support is not in our favour. So we must understand that there is also a middle path and there is also a possibility that we may think how we would have reacted to situations if it was vice versa. That is why it is said that one must always maintain one’s cool - in times good or bad.

We must give sufficient space to our good friends even during our times of crisis and not get completely dependent on them. That would only make us strong and help in maintaining a good friendship. Not that by taking help, that would not happen, but its only that one would be avoiding a lot of misunderstandings if things go wrong!

angrezi gyaan bhandaar II

Mutant: a sport who which includes individuals who vary from type due to mutation

Midget: a person who is markedly small

Soporific: pertaining to sleep, sleepy

Hedonistic: some one who believes pleasure is the cheif good in life.

hegemony: dominance of a certain group over another

Work Review

So who is going to defend him?...Adarkar asked the panel
(everyone surprised)
I mean, who is going to be his representative?
(everyone looking at each other)
Ok whose group you are in…

“Padma ma’am” I replied

Poor padma…she got caught!

After about 5 months, there was finally a work review. My thesis design had progressed a bit, however, it was equally controversial. The panel listened to me patiently for the first five to seven minutes and then jal interrupted as usual. The problem with the cinema for the blind is that the subject and the object- both are quite flexible in terms of their interpretation. Jal was more concerned about the empirical formulations of the project. I just nodded away his questions about ‘how much of blindness have you studied’ because I did not find the question even important to respond to. If I started telling him about my ideas, he would have just whooshed it away! And anyways, I don’t understand why does he have to be ALWAYS negative? Why can’t he make his criticisms constructive?

Adarkar, on the other hand was more concerned about the sensory experiences…tactile, olfactory…all that he knows about the blind…and his typical examples…

Amberkar was very quiet, and he understood that it was beyond him to comment. I appreciated that.

Kale was more concerned about the functionality of the project and how would it prove useful. He gave me atleast some opportunity to go ahead and complete my explanation of design. He also gave me some more clues.

Padma just didn’t live up to my hopes…she still kept questioning why I was doing a cinema, if I had to address urban issues.

Ah! Finally I went ahead to meet shetty…after waiting for about two hours, shetty asked us to show our work hurriedly (as always) and gave us enough time. I showed him my large sketch.

He was happy to see the sketch. He also said that this must be your sheet like. However, today he seemed as if he wanted to wrap up the design. But I went ahead and asked about the unresolved parts. He tried to bring in some dialogue, again on the conceptual terms. He said that the cinema for the blind actually will be difficult to build. But this would be a CONCEPT OF SPACE that you are trying to create in the city. Such a space will be used by the blind to discuss stories…create, write, read….and all sorts of such activities. He also said that such a space would later on become a space to use for exhibitions or public activities.

On the other hand, he clearly asked me to work and resolve the internal tid-bits of the project. I agreed to do that, but I felt that he must have gotten tired with me – discussing and trying to explain me the same old thing. But that is so natural. On one of the instances, I also felt that he was too busy, as he just got irritated about smaller issues (like water logging in my project) and said “so what am I supposed to do?” but I don’t think it’s his fault at all. He is completely free to express his frustration. I just smiled. What else could I do?

His dialogue clearly brought out that he understood that there is a lack of (good) faculty in AOA. He asked me to prepare the final presentation I am going to deliver. I told him that I have thought about it. But he said, don’t think, PREPARE. I said okay…and he further said very sweetly, that that is what he would help me at. He also said that it’s just those last 15 minutes which made the difference for him during his jury. On a personal note, I like it when he gives examples about his jury. Because it’s nice to know the process of a successful project, and on the other hand, it’s just nice to understand him as a person.

While leaving, I asked him for my dissertation, which I had handed over to him 7 weeks ago. Still he said… “but I have not read it”. I said it’s fine. But while returning the booklet to me, he saw the cover page…held it for 2 seconds and smiled at it…

I knew why he did it…because the cover page said…. “c nema for the bl nd”

I smiled back at him. I think we both enjoyed the pun!

While leaving, atul was with me… and he said that perhaps Prasad did not have a grip over my project. However, I thought that how does that matter. It’s shetty who has guided me since the beginning and I trust him fully. He also said that he doesn’t think that now anything would happen towards making an ‘aha’ design, as there is no time. That’s the typical negative atul for you! I just blankly accepted it and threw it out of my head.

However, we can not stop trying. It was an eventful as well as a wasteful day. Shetty has told me to meet me with the drawings within some time. I have told…”Ten days?”….

“Will you be able to finish in a week?” shetty asked
“I will try to, and anyways, I think the talking will take care of the nitty gritty!” I replied.
“yes, talking is important…I will tell you. Come prepared!”