Architecture and too much

Recently, all my Saturdays are ruined because of the site visits arranged at an interior site in Powai. But what bothers me more is what I am going to discus in this blog. I sometimes wonder how much an architect is supposed to know. The scope of knowledge is infinite. There was a point after I finished graduation when I thought that there is so much to know still. But over the last 3 months I have realized that one cannot fathom the whole universe. Moreover, my juniors at office (trainees) say that there is just too much to know and one can not know everything. I commend their realization. For the first few times I questioned the fact. But after some time, I accepted it.

All human beings are subject to personal inclinations and therefore, each one chooses what he/she wants to do. However, Georg Simmel in his lecture ‘Metropolis and the mental life” says that functional specialization was a feature of the modern century. This was the phase when ‘specializations’ in fields started. He portrays this as a negative attribute. But a parallel thing is also to understand that the database of knowledge has also started increasing. Earlier, there was less to remember and now there is so much – machine, technology, politics, medicine…..architecture unfortunately delves into everything….and that’s when I wondered as the client spoke about mechanical details of an air conditioner on Saturday.

I said in mind…hold on dude….i am a designer. How and why am I supposed to know about this stupid machine, which is just a piece of graphic for me. I am supposed to put it such that it looks good in your house. Bloody you get the ac consultant and still want me to be there, you call the electrician and still want me to instruct, you call the civil person and want me to detail out the joint, you want me to tell the plumber the way to take the pipes, meet the building engineer, co ordinate with every damn person and the client. While that is only one part, you need me to convince you about the design, where I apply my brains and you still want to argue over it…

Well, now I see why architecture may not be for me. I simply may be interested in detailing out the graphic that will go on the wall…well that’s what I want to do….not 100 things at a time….those are jobs of supervisors. I want to think over a simple thing for hours and exhaust it out…that’s what artists do…right? And that’s why I like art…so is architecture art? Rather, I am inclined more towards the arty side of architecture. I think if I remain for some more time with it, I will surely find out what I exactly want to do in life. Now that’s called a dark cloud with a silver lining!

NIASA 2008

It was 6:00 in the morning. Dhaval was already up. I thought I must also brush up. Dhaval practiced his presentation, I saw him making notes. I quickly had a bath and was already ready at 6:30. Finally I told Dhaval to rehearse his presentation once. He did. And he was pretty much in time. 13 minutes.

Then I asked for my turn. We were getting late. However, Dhaval allowed me to rehearse once. I was not in time…over 16 minutes. Deciding to cut down on my talking, we reached the venue.

Things started an hour late. In addition, we were said that we had 20 minutes to present instead of 15. We were happy. Dhaval got a little extra time to make notes. I already had mine typed out. I had already visited the toilet 2 times. Dhaval’s was the third name to be called and we were excited towards that. In the middle of his presentation, the lights went off…that is when we cautioned him to go slow with his speech.

I congratulated him. Things went on. There were interesting projects. Many of them could not finish theirs in time. It may be the 5th time I went to the refreshing room. My name had not been called yet…

After lunch, I had almost given up hopes. After the sixth presentation, I kept my notes inside my bag. But it was then I had actually become more attentive towards others’ presentation. And I was literally enjoying them. When the seventh presentation ended, the announcer called out…”Anuj – Cinema for the Blind”.

I was relieved. I visited the loo once again!

While the jury was still discussing the 8th project, I went to the loo for the last time. And then it was me. The presentation went glibly…I talked out my last line on the ring of the gong. 10 seconds extra…

I was almost impatient through the final presentation .

15 minute break and the winners were announced. Anuj ….Cinema for the blind. Gauri jumped out of joy. Dhaval congratulated me.

The venue and the date for the national jury have not been decided.

The Da Vinci Code

I have never read a book so passionately…and especially considering that I took 3 years to read fountainhead….i finished da vinci code in just less than 3 weeks!

What was gripping about the book was the way it used story to leak out the hidden secrets in symbology! While the first half of the story is very informative, the second part is very filmy! It’s easier to hide identities of people in a book than in a film…still after reading the book, I felt like I must watch the film. Because symbology is to be understood by seeing….and not only by imagining…

One wonders that how exciting can the life of sophie be…imagine solving puzzles to get a birthday gift….wow! I would love to do it. Imagine making those tricky puzzles, making treasure hunts…that was the strength of the story. The entire book was a puzzle book, and hence it set my pulse racing….

The prime thing is that the book raises questions (for me it was the first which questioned Jesus’s virginity!) and then there is so much so symbology around us…we don’t even understand it…that is when one feels at loss of knowledge.

Then and Now

those mornings...
standing at the foot board of the local train
with earphones plugged in
the soft air gushing against the eyes
compelling them to close
and concentrate on the music...

these mornings
standing at the foot board of the local train
with people pushing in
the stale air in the compartment
making it difficult to breathe
and get out of the crowd!

Ego

Today I skipped my lunch in order to complete drawings to be handed over to the contractors. I was actually refrained by sonal until I completed the drawings. It was evident that she had her own ego behind that!

I simply obiliged.

But what I understood that the Gandhian philosophy does work. After having her lunch, she came to me and told me to have my lunch and then resume. Then there was my ego at work! I told sonal that I didn’t mind having my lunch later.

But what is interesting that both of us had egos…right in their own place. Earlier, she felt that I would wait and later I wanted to prove that I can wait.

The best part was I think that both of us realized our mistakes…she felt she should not have stopped me and I felt that I must have completed my work before!

Ego is a double edged sword – once you know how to use it, it can take you so high, but at the same time, it may destroy you completely.

Discovering life...

There are some people who I would never like to tell that i joined back _opolis. I have passed two weeks after rejoining and still not doing any concrete kind of work!
Sometimes its disgusting to just sit and stare at the computer screen. You can’t even read books though they are in front of you only because you will be labelled as 'sitting idle'. I am sure that my bosses know that they are underusing me. Perhaps that the case with everyone over here. You can’t even give some time to your personal hobbies or projects if you have any. You are so badly slaughtered between the family and office. The family pressurizes to have a fixed job - which is a fixed source of income. On the other hand, you know that you have far more potential and you are just wasting your time. But hold on - there may be the little tidbits of the industry that needs to be learnt. But how long must you wait to learn the smaller things? I wonder if I can ever learn something by myself. Something that is just my finding...that is my thought...

We always know that there are better opportunities. But are we 'bindass' enough to leave our current jobs and keep running behind the opportunities? Are opportunities supposed to come to us or are we supposed to tap on opportunities. Both these questions have different approaches. These approaches will shape our lives differently. One leads to personal satisfaction and the other leads to social security. There are two fronts - personal and the obligatory social. Which one to follow - where to go?

Are we bold enough to follow our own mind. Are we independent enough to sustain on our own? Are we responsible enough? Do we dare enough to leave the society behind? I have plenty of questions, plenty of answers, and the world to observe...

Sometimes, horoscopes can read your mind!

What makes me write this piece of blog is my today’s horoscope, which reads:

“Part of you wants to sell out and blend in because it’s painful not to be fully appreciated. Give the rest of the world more time to notice you. Amplify your weirdness and keep going.”
-Dr. Prem Kumar Sharma, HT

That is what I have been thinking about since the last 9 days. I do not know if people can really gauge the happiness that I have got in completing my course. I mean…c’mon…I have finished five long years of a course, which was so hectic, different and laborious. Architecture IS a difficult course. And a very few people, perhaps, realize that. That is why there is such a thanda response from people around. No one asks me about how it was to study a course (completely different from the rest in my family) in the past five years. Neither are they interested in what I am planning to do further. No one appreciates the fact that I attempted a project in my final year that virtually seemed impossible…perhaps they do not value anything that I did in the past two years.

However, one can at least value the fact that I have virtually completed my graduation. I think it’s a big thing. I will get a degree in my hand soon (hopefully)…I don’t know why no one has been talking about any of the things which I want people to discus about…all this puts me off…

I wanted to jump, shout, laugh…after my jury. But my jury itself was so low-key and so thanda, that I felt I had made another ‘naturopathy centre’. At that time, I felt, it’s better than answering those toilet-parapet questions. But then the jury was not exciting, I feel now. It did not appreciate the questions I raised. Nor did it fully appreciate the design…the discussion was so hanky panky…I think I am not able to tell it in writing…it was not worth the two years of hardwork…on a subject like mine…I should have made a naturopathy centre…

I may say to people that I had a good jury, but that is looking at it from another perspective…where you don’t get those midgets to talk about a good project. Let me, for the first time confess – “Yes, I did a good and a different project”. This comes at a time when I have given my jury. And the bigger thing is that it comes from me. I have never uttered these words during the course of my research. So you think what’s the deal if you already know that you are good… I say what’s the goodness which is only known to you? Confidence comes from appreciation by people whom you respect. That is what I strongly believe. This thought is killing me…because I don’t think that has happened. Appreciation from friends is a different thing…they will always appreciate you. There are only some friends who will honestly tell you what they think about your work. That is why I like Atul’s comments. Others are just diplomatic. Diplomatic to the core. I don’t really like such people. The worst part is that in groups of such people, you too have to be diplomatic. I used to hate being diplomatic until the 2nd year…and therefore people used to hate me…I mean my classmates. I started learning to be diplomatic from the 3rd year…but then onwards, I never really spoke what I really felt about anything…my words were always sugarcoated. But diplomacy taught me one thing…nothing is bad, there is a good side to everything. And one must always be constructive in one’s criticism.

There will be a lot of people who will try to point out your mistakes. They would not try to find out any opportunity in the mistake. That is the catch. Every mistake, I feel has an opportunity to learn. That’s what I tried to point out when people came to me. Our problem is that we do not question at all. Perhaps, if I may say, I tried to raise questions within people’s minds – it includes my guide Padma Desai too.

Well, I may be preachy by now. But one can appreciate oneself. Especially when others around are not acknowledging the fact of good work. Going back to my thesis, I don’t really care, even if I get a pass class...because I don’t think any one understands fully what I have gone through the last two years…and can any one imagine a year without peaceful sleep?…never mind – I appreciate my own self! I don’t think there is any other option than to boost oneself…

A hundred more things in my mind…but to word them all and to read it will become boring…this frustration will either percolate partly in each blog or might just heal as time passes by…

Acknowledgements II (part I in dissertation)

Now this is very weird! When you don’t have time at all, you feel like you must blog…and when you have loads of time in your hand, you feel that you must sit idling…but today I have decided that I must upgrade my blog. There have been a couple of things, which I have to write about, perhaps, this may not contain everything. Therefore, this will be just tidbits of the past few weeks that have been spent laboriously completing my thesis.

I think this blog must be decdicated to all those people who play a role in my thesis, post my dissertation was printed, as these names would not occur in my dissertation.

Firstly, I must mention Ushma Mehta, my senior, whom I helped last year. She has so beautifully reciprocated the deed of help that I can not put in words. She gave the final 6 hours (or more) to my site model to make it look presentable. Not only that, even the next day, she called me up to asked if there was any help needed. Luckily, I had my other friends out there…my juniors…Beverly was quick and she did a considerable amount of work in a short time. She was good at understanding my design and hence could do a lot of work without me explaining much of it. Both Ushma and Beverly were working together as I was guiding them and they just made the model start going. Beverly could not make the next day. However, Nandita Rebello, again from second year, came for very little time. She came in when I was at the plotter’s. Hence, I gave her instructions on the phone and she carried out the task very neatly. Though she cut a part of one of my site for her stuff and stuck the ‘wrong side up’, I think, that was tolerable.

That day, Gauri from fouth year came as a surprise. She came along with Nihara, whom I had asked for help a few days ago. Swapnil came as a magic wand. While I was waiting at the plotter’s, he suggested that he would get all the sheets to my place and told me, Nihara and Gauri to carry on. This saved me a lot of time. As we reached home, Nahdita was about to leave in half an hour. Nihara, Gauri and me took over. They allowed me to take a nap of half an hour. They kept working quietly, but slowly. Gauri too had to leave in some time. By the time, Swapnil got the plots at home. I made a quick look at the plots and kept them safe inside. One of the plots was spoilt, which I told shilpa to replot.

Gauri had to leav within some time.Nihara was there with me till late. Swapnil too joined me later at 8. he helped me with the trees. The look absolutely beautiful. Swapnil also put the trees in my design on the site model. Nihara was slow, but when i started pushing her, she did many small works. She gave me the idea to call Shraddha the next day. I called her up and she was most ready to come home. Swap and nihara went home by 11.30 pm.

The next day, Shraddha came exactly by 2 pm – as decided. Then, there was no turning back. I asked her – what time she has to be back home. And her reply, was the most soothing and satisfying answer, I ever got. She said, “When you are done with your work, then I will go home.” This meant a lot to me. At a time when I would have just sat and spent all time worrying what and how to do, she lent me all her support – not only in terms of physical, but in terms of moral too. She kept working with me until seven the next morning, and I deeply regret that I could not even drop her at her place, because my car was full of models…

I have developed a deep respect for all people mentioned above. They have stood by me at time when my task seemed unmanageable. Moreover, I respect and thank all of them – respect for their help and thankfulness for conveying their friendship. I think I must also thank God for putting everything in place. It seemed that things just happened in the right time. No one said ‘no’ to me for help. There was someone or the other in the last 5 days at home. Though I was tensed, people placated me. It was restlessness…to complete, to get done. And that restlessness can not be explained. Perhaps, everyone who came to help me could see that within me. I don’t think I was patient with my actions…but I was still trying to keep my cool. I hope I was fair to everyone. And if I was not, then I ask for forgiveness. And all you guys, pleas never forget me when you are in need of help. I will try my best to deliver any kind of help that may be possible.

Thanks again. All the best.

15 days to go...

Ahahha….now I feel satisfied…

Once your design has been done and you are making the final drawings, it’s pure excitement and satisfaction that drives you till the end. I feel satisfied today…after over a year…and by mistake extended my afternoon nap!

Got up, had washed my face….then just kept looking at the mirror…the beard had grown more than usual….got a shave after a fortnight…
As I write this mail, the planes of the paper on the computer screen keep swirling….bye guys, have to still do the final touches of the 3d on sketch up!

Passing thoughts...

I wonder, in times of crisis, we become so dependent on our near and dear ones. Earlier, it was parents who were those whom we depended upon. In recent times, it’s friends. Now there are two aspects to it – one is the duration of crisis, and second is that how much are you dependent on them.

But while seeking help from friends we sometimes forget that we start losing our own confidence levels. Further, their surrendered support becomes our spine for taking every next step that we schedule. One question is how does one realize this? Generally it happens that you do not realize how much you are bothering them – that’s because good friends don’t let you feel your dependence on them. But I wonder if they are really doing a favour by doing that – because in one sense, they are only making you weak. One needs moral support during times of crisis. But what must be the form of this moral support? Physical presence, words of inspiration, positive outlooks…what? Physical presence, I feel is the best form of expressing one’s support for the other. That is why perhaps, husbands and wives feel worthy of each other, because they feel that they would help each other in bad times. In other words, such kind of support exists in a bonded/committed relationship.

Words of inspiration on the other hand are important in an intermittent kind of relation. Such matters are liable to comparison. One can take inspiration in two ways – looking at the good work of others or by learning from the bad work of others. One gets inspired to do “as good as” the best or “better than” the bad. While those were the practical derivations of inspiration, words of inspiration may also come from philosophy. Philosophical thoughts most of the times give strength, and also save one even during failures. But ultimately, philosophy is what takes the form of a positive outlook. There is a philosophy existing in the world which will make you feel happy and worthy of yourself in any time of your life. But the above two things are much sought after things from friends in times of crisis.

On a different note, a friendship becomes vulnerable during times of crisis. The amount of support that you get from cronies during tough times strengthens your trust into them. Friends, who understand this fact, sometimes may even lie or hide about the shortcomings of those in trouble. They may build up hollow words of praise or even show others down to build up confidence in you. Now, of course, that is for a good motive and perhaps they don’t even really mean all that. But then, is this ethical? Should a person not be honest about his/her opinions even in times of crisis and show the ground reality to their troubled associates? The predicament is that if they take such a step, it’s only a rift that they may create in their friendship. Our minds start thinking very binarily during times of crisis and we tend to make things easy for us by segregating them into – good or bad, positive or negative, happening or not happening…we may create a lot of fuss and confusions with our good friends if we get into all that if their support is not in our favour. So we must understand that there is also a middle path and there is also a possibility that we may think how we would have reacted to situations if it was vice versa. That is why it is said that one must always maintain one’s cool - in times good or bad.

We must give sufficient space to our good friends even during our times of crisis and not get completely dependent on them. That would only make us strong and help in maintaining a good friendship. Not that by taking help, that would not happen, but its only that one would be avoiding a lot of misunderstandings if things go wrong!