Pride and Prejudice

This post is due since a long time, because i still don't know if i have put my thoughts in the right way. but these are honest thoughts, and must not be interpreted otherwise.

Suddenly people are realizing that none of them expressed truly their happiness on my NIASA win. Well, I wonder if i should be proud about the win and show my pride or should I be just the Anuj that was before. Both these options are perfectly fine - if seen in the respective perspectives. But if the perspectives are flipped, then they both are utterly wrong. Now, I do understand - fame is a double edged sword. On one hand, you can be mistaken for being proudy, while on the other, I am a dignified person. The college's perspective has changes. People talk to me with an air of respect -somehow, it feels that the people around want me to feel the respect, but deep inside, I question if there is any need to do so.

But I just feel dry for that moment - when Uttam Jain kept his mike and clapped for me in the midst of giving his comment. How thrilled he was. When the audience suddenly started re-clapping. When Ranjit Sabiki raised his hands when I could answer his question to his satisfaction. When the architects in the audience said that, "it was truly an eye opening project" - all of these comments. There is no witness to these comments except me. I still feel that someone, at least someone should have been there, may be Dhaval, Atul, or my father - how proud they would have felt.

But i missed that moment. It has become a frozen moment - which can not dance, cannot do anything to any one, but me. and if I tell all these to others, they might say - "he is behaving proud".

I remember, on that night, when my father called me after my win asking about the jury comments, a fellow contestant was sitting next to me (who had not won), could I have said that "the jury was speechless" - it actually was. But I did not say that since it would have hurt my friend, my fellow contestant there. Whom do I share my pride with?

However, the best moment was when my family gave me a surprise party on Dussera - the entire set of relatives were there - it was a moment to remember, but honestly, I was lost. Because these people celebrated me as a national winner. But the importance of the project, the sensitivity of the issue, and the boldness of the portrayal - was it appreciated by them? I still wonder...if someone who understood it was there....

Bharat Bhavan, Bhopal

rags to riches

thats what Jal arya said on the first marking...

that was 2 years ago...

waiting for the final results...

NIASA 2008 nationals...

Hindustan Times Bhopal publishes report on

National winners 2008

reading images

looking through the window
some time ago in rain
from the bus i see
the red light washing the pane

a week ago in dadar
people walking in a chain
and flowers spread by
all along the lane…

Architecture and too much

Recently, all my Saturdays are ruined because of the site visits arranged at an interior site in Powai. But what bothers me more is what I am going to discus in this blog. I sometimes wonder how much an architect is supposed to know. The scope of knowledge is infinite. There was a point after I finished graduation when I thought that there is so much to know still. But over the last 3 months I have realized that one cannot fathom the whole universe. Moreover, my juniors at office (trainees) say that there is just too much to know and one can not know everything. I commend their realization. For the first few times I questioned the fact. But after some time, I accepted it.

All human beings are subject to personal inclinations and therefore, each one chooses what he/she wants to do. However, Georg Simmel in his lecture ‘Metropolis and the mental life” says that functional specialization was a feature of the modern century. This was the phase when ‘specializations’ in fields started. He portrays this as a negative attribute. But a parallel thing is also to understand that the database of knowledge has also started increasing. Earlier, there was less to remember and now there is so much – machine, technology, politics, medicine…..architecture unfortunately delves into everything….and that’s when I wondered as the client spoke about mechanical details of an air conditioner on Saturday.

I said in mind…hold on dude….i am a designer. How and why am I supposed to know about this stupid machine, which is just a piece of graphic for me. I am supposed to put it such that it looks good in your house. Bloody you get the ac consultant and still want me to be there, you call the electrician and still want me to instruct, you call the civil person and want me to detail out the joint, you want me to tell the plumber the way to take the pipes, meet the building engineer, co ordinate with every damn person and the client. While that is only one part, you need me to convince you about the design, where I apply my brains and you still want to argue over it…

Well, now I see why architecture may not be for me. I simply may be interested in detailing out the graphic that will go on the wall…well that’s what I want to do….not 100 things at a time….those are jobs of supervisors. I want to think over a simple thing for hours and exhaust it out…that’s what artists do…right? And that’s why I like art…so is architecture art? Rather, I am inclined more towards the arty side of architecture. I think if I remain for some more time with it, I will surely find out what I exactly want to do in life. Now that’s called a dark cloud with a silver lining!

NIASA 2008

It was 6:00 in the morning. Dhaval was already up. I thought I must also brush up. Dhaval practiced his presentation, I saw him making notes. I quickly had a bath and was already ready at 6:30. Finally I told Dhaval to rehearse his presentation once. He did. And he was pretty much in time. 13 minutes.

Then I asked for my turn. We were getting late. However, Dhaval allowed me to rehearse once. I was not in time…over 16 minutes. Deciding to cut down on my talking, we reached the venue.

Things started an hour late. In addition, we were said that we had 20 minutes to present instead of 15. We were happy. Dhaval got a little extra time to make notes. I already had mine typed out. I had already visited the toilet 2 times. Dhaval’s was the third name to be called and we were excited towards that. In the middle of his presentation, the lights went off…that is when we cautioned him to go slow with his speech.

I congratulated him. Things went on. There were interesting projects. Many of them could not finish theirs in time. It may be the 5th time I went to the refreshing room. My name had not been called yet…

After lunch, I had almost given up hopes. After the sixth presentation, I kept my notes inside my bag. But it was then I had actually become more attentive towards others’ presentation. And I was literally enjoying them. When the seventh presentation ended, the announcer called out…”Anuj – Cinema for the Blind”.

I was relieved. I visited the loo once again!

While the jury was still discussing the 8th project, I went to the loo for the last time. And then it was me. The presentation went glibly…I talked out my last line on the ring of the gong. 10 seconds extra…

I was almost impatient through the final presentation .

15 minute break and the winners were announced. Anuj ….Cinema for the blind. Gauri jumped out of joy. Dhaval congratulated me.

The venue and the date for the national jury have not been decided.

The Da Vinci Code

I have never read a book so passionately…and especially considering that I took 3 years to read fountainhead….i finished da vinci code in just less than 3 weeks!

What was gripping about the book was the way it used story to leak out the hidden secrets in symbology! While the first half of the story is very informative, the second part is very filmy! It’s easier to hide identities of people in a book than in a film…still after reading the book, I felt like I must watch the film. Because symbology is to be understood by seeing….and not only by imagining…

One wonders that how exciting can the life of sophie be…imagine solving puzzles to get a birthday gift….wow! I would love to do it. Imagine making those tricky puzzles, making treasure hunts…that was the strength of the story. The entire book was a puzzle book, and hence it set my pulse racing….

The prime thing is that the book raises questions (for me it was the first which questioned Jesus’s virginity!) and then there is so much so symbology around us…we don’t even understand it…that is when one feels at loss of knowledge.

Then and Now

those mornings...
standing at the foot board of the local train
with earphones plugged in
the soft air gushing against the eyes
compelling them to close
and concentrate on the music...

these mornings
standing at the foot board of the local train
with people pushing in
the stale air in the compartment
making it difficult to breathe
and get out of the crowd!

Ego

Today I skipped my lunch in order to complete drawings to be handed over to the contractors. I was actually refrained by sonal until I completed the drawings. It was evident that she had her own ego behind that!

I simply obiliged.

But what I understood that the Gandhian philosophy does work. After having her lunch, she came to me and told me to have my lunch and then resume. Then there was my ego at work! I told sonal that I didn’t mind having my lunch later.

But what is interesting that both of us had egos…right in their own place. Earlier, she felt that I would wait and later I wanted to prove that I can wait.

The best part was I think that both of us realized our mistakes…she felt she should not have stopped me and I felt that I must have completed my work before!

Ego is a double edged sword – once you know how to use it, it can take you so high, but at the same time, it may destroy you completely.

Discovering life...

There are some people who I would never like to tell that i joined back _opolis. I have passed two weeks after rejoining and still not doing any concrete kind of work!
Sometimes its disgusting to just sit and stare at the computer screen. You can’t even read books though they are in front of you only because you will be labelled as 'sitting idle'. I am sure that my bosses know that they are underusing me. Perhaps that the case with everyone over here. You can’t even give some time to your personal hobbies or projects if you have any. You are so badly slaughtered between the family and office. The family pressurizes to have a fixed job - which is a fixed source of income. On the other hand, you know that you have far more potential and you are just wasting your time. But hold on - there may be the little tidbits of the industry that needs to be learnt. But how long must you wait to learn the smaller things? I wonder if I can ever learn something by myself. Something that is just my finding...that is my thought...

We always know that there are better opportunities. But are we 'bindass' enough to leave our current jobs and keep running behind the opportunities? Are opportunities supposed to come to us or are we supposed to tap on opportunities. Both these questions have different approaches. These approaches will shape our lives differently. One leads to personal satisfaction and the other leads to social security. There are two fronts - personal and the obligatory social. Which one to follow - where to go?

Are we bold enough to follow our own mind. Are we independent enough to sustain on our own? Are we responsible enough? Do we dare enough to leave the society behind? I have plenty of questions, plenty of answers, and the world to observe...